ChrisMaverick dotcom



Day 313 of 365 days.

Sometimes I feel like more than anything else, I’m keeping myself down. Despite praise by others I frequently don’t think my photography is very good (the same with my writing and pretty much everything else I ever do). Despite being pretty good at what I do for a "real job" (or what I did, anyway, back when I had one), I never feel satisfied with it since deep down I’d rather be an artist than a productive member of society. I never feel like I’ll have a career as a writer, or artist. I never feel like I’ll ever get out of debt and get to go back to school and get my Masters. I usually feel like I don’t deserve Steph and that inevitably she’ll get sick of me and leave me. I’m pretty much constantly plagued by self-doubt and self-loathing.

Sometimes I do the whole self-help self-evaluation thing. Am I afraid of happiness? No, not really. I like being happy. Its what I want more than anything in the world. Am I afraid of failure? Nope, I don’t think so. I fail at things all the time. I’d rather try and fail than not try at all. Actually, at the end of the day, i think the problem is that I just don’t like myself all that much.

Maybe I should work on that.

Yeah, I’m kinda having a pity party for myself right now. Sorry. I’ll work on being better tomorrow.

Anyway, I had this idea a few days ago, and then when I saw the Class With Dave assignment this week (Surreal) I decided that this would be perfect for it. The fact that it fits my mood today is just kinda a bonus.

365 days

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31 comments for “6-20-07

  1. June 21, 2007 at 12:11 am

    Yes, please work on that! {{hugs}}

    This is my kind of pic, ya know!

  2. June 21, 2007 at 12:29 am

    @lrayholly: I’m trying. Thanks.

  3. June 21, 2007 at 12:30 am

    Hee hee, I like it. I had a similar idea when I read the competition assignment.

    Seen in Take a class with Dave & Dave (?)

  4. June 21, 2007 at 12:31 am

    @Cayusa: Thank you. I look forward to seeing your version.

  5. June 21, 2007 at 12:47 am

    very interesting picture and sad words. This would work well for competition as well, because it seems that you are fighting your own demons in this game. I hope you’ll win!

    Seen in Take a class with Dave & Dave (?)

  6. June 21, 2007 at 12:48 am

    @KatColorado: interesting thought. YOu know that never even occurred to me. And thanks.

  7. June 21, 2007 at 12:58 am

    I can relate. The same things go through my head from time to time. I have an artist’s heart, and a businessman’s head. A diametrically opposed combination that is constantly fighting itself, and making me wonder WTF?

    Fantastic photo. I agree with Kat, this does look like you could be fighting your own demons.

  8. June 21, 2007 at 1:09 am

    @FadderUri: I am. Daily. And thank you.

  9. June 21, 2007 at 6:33 am

    I go through the same ups and downs. Even if others dont like my photos – I do have a blast doing them. Your photos in my eyes are GREAT

  10. June 21, 2007 at 11:14 am

    @mccalm2001: thank you.

  11. June 21, 2007 at 5:38 pm

    i have always enjoyed your pics.

    this is brilliant and fun.

  12. June 21, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    Yeah you got it… and that shows that you express well and are good at it… but only if you believe it. Love the angle and manip, you did a great job there, especially the reflections!

    Seen next to a fellow photo of Take a class with Dave & Dave. (?)

  13. June 21, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    @karlajdee: thank you. And thank you for the compliment as well.

    @robherr: the reflections are my favorite part. I’m glad someone noticed. I was afraid it was too subtle.

  14. June 22, 2007 at 2:39 am

    I saw the reflections right away and I think they are fabulous!

    Seen in my recent comments. (?)

  15. June 22, 2007 at 2:51 am

    @KatColorado: I’m glad. I put a lot of work into that little detail. (i have problems, I know)

  16. June 22, 2007 at 5:27 am

    what kind of problems? you want it to look good, the way it looks in your imagination and you work hard for it. That’s not a problem but love for your work!

  17. June 22, 2007 at 10:41 am

    @KatColorado: Problems? Oh, I get anal about little details like that, which most people probably never notice anyway. And then on top of that, I’m not happy with it anyway. I still think it looks to artificial.

  18. June 22, 2007 at 11:12 am

    It looks fine! Perfection is not a problem, mine is when I’m imperfectly trying…

  19. June 22, 2007 at 11:19 am

    @robherr: I certainly wouldn’t call it perfect. But again, I thank you.

  20. June 22, 2007 at 9:30 pm

    This is really well done. I saw the "competition" description and thought about doing chess too, but I like yours better! =)

  21. June 22, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    @Killian77: hmmm… maybe I’ll have to go with a chess picture for competition too. Everyone seems to think its a good idea.

  22. June 23, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    you will be getting a vermilion fish from me when I start passing them out!

    this is excellent.

    though i’m sorry to hear that you’re having a pity party when one needn’t be had….but we all have to have them once in a while!

  23. June 23, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    @pi c’s: thank you. And I’m feeling a little better now. Still worried of course, but a little better.

  24. June 25, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    I love this one!
    and sorry you’re down in the dumps. we’ll talk soon……..

  25. June 25, 2007 at 10:24 pm

    @sassyshannon999: Thanks, Shan. I’ll be ok. I think. Maybe. We’ll see.

  26. June 26, 2007 at 10:57 am


  27. June 26, 2007 at 11:10 am

    @4inthehouse: thank you

  28. July 11, 2007 at 9:28 am

    what’s not to like?

  29. July 11, 2007 at 9:32 am

    @queentassone: about what? the picture?

  30. July 26, 2007 at 12:48 pm

    i think the problem is that I just don’t like myself all that much.

    no, silly. about you

  31. July 26, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    @queentassone: oh… well, plenty

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