Day 313 of 365 days.
Sometimes I feel like more than anything else, I’m keeping myself down. Despite praise by others I frequently don’t think my photography is very good (the same with my writing and pretty much everything else I ever do). Despite being pretty good at what I do for a "real job" (or what I did, anyway, back when I had one), I never feel satisfied with it since deep down I’d rather be an artist than a productive member of society. I never feel like I’ll have a career as a writer, or artist. I never feel like I’ll ever get out of debt and get to go back to school and get my Masters. I usually feel like I don’t deserve Steph and that inevitably she’ll get sick of me and leave me. I’m pretty much constantly plagued by self-doubt and self-loathing.
Sometimes I do the whole self-help self-evaluation thing. Am I afraid of happiness? No, not really. I like being happy. Its what I want more than anything in the world. Am I afraid of failure? Nope, I don’t think so. I fail at things all the time. I’d rather try and fail than not try at all. Actually, at the end of the day, i think the problem is that I just don’t like myself all that much.
Maybe I should work on that.
Yeah, I’m kinda having a pity party for myself right now. Sorry. I’ll work on being better tomorrow.
Anyway, I had this idea a few days ago, and then when I saw the Class With Dave assignment this week (Surreal) I decided that this would be perfect for it. The fact that it fits my mood today is just kinda a bonus.
Yes, please work on that! {{hugs}}
This is my kind of pic, ya know!
@lrayholly: I’m trying. Thanks.
Hee hee, I like it. I had a similar idea when I read the competition assignment.
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Seen in Take a class with Dave & Dave (?)
@Cayusa: Thank you. I look forward to seeing your version.
very interesting picture and sad words. This would work well for competition as well, because it seems that you are fighting your own demons in this game. I hope you’ll win!
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Seen in Take a class with Dave & Dave (?)
@KatColorado: interesting thought. YOu know that never even occurred to me. And thanks.
I can relate. The same things go through my head from time to time. I have an artist’s heart, and a businessman’s head. A diametrically opposed combination that is constantly fighting itself, and making me wonder WTF?
Fantastic photo. I agree with Kat, this does look like you could be fighting your own demons.
@FadderUri: I am. Daily. And thank you.
I go through the same ups and downs. Even if others dont like my photos – I do have a blast doing them. Your photos in my eyes are GREAT
@mccalm2001: thank you.
i have always enjoyed your pics.
this is brilliant and fun.
Yeah you got it… and that shows that you express well and are good at it… but only if you believe it. Love the angle and manip, you did a great job there, especially the reflections!
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Seen next to a fellow photo of Take a class with Dave & Dave. (?)
@karlajdee: thank you. And thank you for the compliment as well.
@robherr: the reflections are my favorite part. I’m glad someone noticed. I was afraid it was too subtle.
I saw the reflections right away and I think they are fabulous!
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Seen in my recent comments. (?)
@KatColorado: I’m glad. I put a lot of work into that little detail. (i have problems, I know)
what kind of problems? you want it to look good, the way it looks in your imagination and you work hard for it. That’s not a problem but love for your work!
@KatColorado: Problems? Oh, I get anal about little details like that, which most people probably never notice anyway. And then on top of that, I’m not happy with it anyway. I still think it looks to artificial.
It looks fine! Perfection is not a problem, mine is when I’m imperfectly trying…
@robherr: I certainly wouldn’t call it perfect. But again, I thank you.
This is really well done. I saw the "competition" description and thought about doing chess too, but I like yours better! =)
@Killian77: hmmm… maybe I’ll have to go with a chess picture for competition too. Everyone seems to think its a good idea.
you will be getting a vermilion fish from me when I start passing them out!
this is excellent.
though i’m sorry to hear that you’re having a pity party when one needn’t be had….but we all have to have them once in a while!
@pi c’s: thank you. And I’m feeling a little better now. Still worried of course, but a little better.
I love this one!
and sorry you’re down in the dumps. we’ll talk soon……..
@sassyshannon999: Thanks, Shan. I’ll be ok. I think. Maybe. We’ll see.
Awesome!
@4inthehouse: thank you
what’s not to like?
@queentassone: about what? the picture?
i think the problem is that I just don’t like myself all that much.
no, silly. about you
@queentassone: oh… well, plenty