ChrisMaverick dotcom

Goodbye Kitty, Hello $$$!

hello christy-11Seriously, Sanrio are marketing geniuses. Have you been on the internet the last coupe of days? “Oh my god! What do you mean Hello Kitty is a human girl and not a cat?!?!? Forget Gaza! Forget Robin Williams! Fuck the Ice Bucket Challenge! This is an outrage! I’m calling my congressman! Someone get Liam Neeson on this STAT!”

People are so outraged about this earth shattering news that they forgot the most important thing about Hello Kitty. THEY DON’T ACTUALLY CARE!!!

Seriously? Hello Kitty isn’t a cat. She isn’t a human. She isn’t even really a “she.” She’s barely even a cartoon character. Think about it… Show of hands. Who has ever actually watched the Hello Kitty cartoon? Nobody! The character has been around for 40 years, and in that time there have been like 100 episodes (across like three or four attempts at doing a series) on American television. Of course they’re HUGE IN JAPAN! But so is Cheap Trick, so… you know…

The thing is, Sanrio were marketing geniuses before this. Hello Kitty isn’t even really supposed to be an animated character. She was invented as a logo on clothing and accessories. She just took off somehow and morphed from a one-time, one-use character into a $7 billion industry. And now people are talking even more, so instant buzz equals dollars. So I get why Sanrio is making a big deal of this. But really, she’s basically supposed to be a clothing logo. So caring about her species makes as much sense as debating the gender of the Nike swoosh or the race of the DKNY logo.

Seriously… I don’t get it. I mean, I pay more attention to pop culture ridiculousness than any person ever should, and *I* don’t get it. Why are so many people into this? I mean, I get that there was one point where Hello Kitty was like ironically cool in the hipster crowd. But even that was like a decade ago (at a point when there were only 13 actual cartoon episodes total). And ironic hipsters are generally pretty good at not caring about media attention to pop culture fads, you know, at least until they get a real job or something. In fact, isn’t something being popular with the masses exactly what the hipsters are avoiding? Or did Hipsterism change while I wasn’t looking? Next week do we get debate the politics of the Snorks? (because that would be awesome. The Snorks rule! Bite me!) And while we’re at it, can someone please tell me how the Monchhichis feel about the Affordable Care Act? Because I’m a better ironic hipster than any of you because I remember the Monchhichis and the rest of you are like “what the fuck is a Monchhichi and why did Mav not link to it so I didn’t have to google it?” And by the way, they’re human too, they just have a minor testosterone problem is all. Stop judging!

Really though? I am curious. Who over the age of 7 is actually following this? Who has an opinion? Who even remembered that Hello Kitty existed before 48 hours ago?

And for the rest of you… those of you who aren’t crazy… ummm… enjoy this Hello Kitty inspired photoshoot I did like 4 years ago. Because… ummm… I dunno why. I just feel like I need to reward you for reading this far. (If you’re reading this on Facebook you have to click through to the blog to see them. They’re there. Enjoy. If you’re reading this on Google+ —  ah who am I kidding? No one is reading this on Google+)


25 comments for “Goodbye Kitty, Hello $$$!

  1. August 30, 2014 at 3:09 am

    The beat part of this rant? (Aside from everything, obviously) is that my FB feed labelled it with “trending: Liam Neeson”.

  2. August 30, 2014 at 4:18 am

    My contention is that Hello Kitty IS a cat, she’s just in some serious denial.

  3. August 30, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Everyone knows that DKNY is a native Eskimo. Actually I think that’s one of their words for snow.

  4. August 30, 2014 at 9:25 am

    The Nike swoosh is female

  5. August 30, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Yes, Nike swoosh definitely female. Anyone with a passing familiarity with ancient mythology knows that. 3000 year-old hipsters are all, “I liked Nike before she was a shoe!” I am curious what Liam Neeson is gonna do about this.

  6. August 30, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Somewhere there is an article floating around claiming “translation error” as the cause. In ye old the Japanese have a word for “female animal” but since we like to personify our pets we use the Japanese word for “female human” to talk about them.

    Yada. And there there is the whole Alice in Wonderland Reference that’s kicking around as well.

    blah, blah, blah….

    It’s not so much that I care, I’m just truly fascinated that this is what peole care about.

  7. August 30, 2014 at 10:36 am

    I’d rather see people with their panties in a knot over this than over Obama’s tan suit. At least Hello Kitty has no substance or importance to be distracted from.

  8. August 30, 2014 at 11:16 am

    I’m with you 100%. I’m not into HK and wasn’t even back in the 80’s when I was a kid.

  9. August 30, 2014 at 11:21 am

    You have no idea how happy the mention of Monchhichis makes me. Not that I remember a _lot_ about them aside from the fact that I thought they were awesome when I was a little kid. Like most cartoons I loved when I was a little kid, I’d probably be really bored and puzzled if I tried to watch it now.

    But still, Monchhichis!

  10. August 30, 2014 at 11:24 am

  11. August 30, 2014 at 11:36 am

    I originally was going to use the Littles. I decided Monchhichis were funnier.

  12. August 30, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    Some people have loved her for thirty five years or so and hit really hard…

  13. August 30, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Sam: Yeah, I’m sure there are some. But I have a hard time believing it is equal to the outrage we’re seeing online. That’s all I’m saying.

  14. August 30, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    I dunno about outrage, but there was definitely some “What the what? She’s a little British Girl?” But, apparently that’s because the omnipotent and totally legit news source “Buzz Feed” mistranslated something in the original discussion. Sanrio never said she was human. They just said she wasn’t a cat. Much the same way that Goofy isn’t a Dog but Pluto is. She’s an anthro, that’s all they meant.

  15. August 30, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    Clearly she’s nothing but a cheap Cosmic Hellcats rip off!!!

  16. August 30, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Serious answer: women of my age range. It’s our selves. I’m 39 this year. Early 80s.

  17. August 30, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Jill: so, are you outraged? (I haven’t seen you mention it all before now)

  18. August 30, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    No, I’m not outraged, but I read it all. People are performing that because: ludicrous. I would write a whole media critique / think piece on this but I can’t do that right now.

  19. August 30, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    I just like writing about silly stuff like this to break up the stream of horrific racism and sexism stuff I write about most of the time. Fluff pieces. A nice pallet cleanser. But do to worry, a horrific racism story coming up soon. Writing it right now!

  20. August 30, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    I had a Monchhichi when I was a kid.

  21. August 30, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    This one.

  22. August 30, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    My mom has one of those monchichi guys

  23. August 30, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    I know about her because of my love of Japanese culture, and because my niece is always asking me to draw her.

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