ChrisMaverick dotcom

on dumb ass fortune cookies…

What the hell?

The fortune that I got with my lunch today reads:

“As a cure for worry, work is better than whiskey.”

Bullshit!

om

31 comments for “on dumb ass fortune cookies…

  1. May 5, 2005 at 10:34 am

    Better Whiskey

    Clearly, they’ve been sipping the wrong whiskey.

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:14 am

      Re: Better Whiskey

      I’ve had the wrong whiskey before. It’s still better than work.

      1. May 5, 2005 at 11:19 am

        Re: Better Whiskey

        Ole Gandada don’t love you.

        1. mav
          May 5, 2005 at 11:48 am

          Re: Better Whiskey

          Jack Daniels hates me too… still better than work…

          1. May 5, 2005 at 12:28 pm

            Re: Better Whiskey

            ….. yeah

      2. May 5, 2005 at 11:19 am

        Re: Better Whiskey

        amen!

        1. mav
          May 5, 2005 at 11:42 am

          Re: Better Whiskey

          that’s all I’m sayin’…

  2. May 5, 2005 at 10:36 am

    you know, you got to love when a crackhead fills out a fortune cookie.

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:14 am

      just out of curiosity… who are you?

      1. May 5, 2005 at 11:15 am

        hey, I was just looking through live journal and that one caught my attention.

        1. mav
          May 5, 2005 at 11:41 am

          that’s fine. I’m just wondering who you are. You seem to have a lot of my friends listed and none of us know who you are. Its no big deal. I’m just curious.

          1. May 5, 2005 at 11:43 am

            yeah, my name’s Sean and it’s okay.

  3. May 5, 2005 at 10:41 am

    That’s a god-damned lie!

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:15 am

      damn skippy…

  4. May 5, 2005 at 10:41 am

    my favorite fortune ever was one that read:

    this biscuit suits my taste.

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:36 am

      I can’t remember the specifics of one fortune cookie. I always like to add “in bed” to the end of any fortune cookie. It makes for fun reading. But I actually got one once that basically amounted to “you are a great lover” or something like that. Kinda took the fun out of it.

      1. May 5, 2005 at 11:44 am

        adding “in bed” to the one you got makes it make sense.

        1. mav
          May 5, 2005 at 11:50 am

          but without whiskey, how do you get into bed?

  5. May 5, 2005 at 10:42 am

    I think it depends on the job. If my job were to write fortune cookie fortunes, I think that’d come close to being a whiskey substitute.

    And probably a lot more fun with whiskey, too.

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:38 am

      the work that is more fun than whiskey is not the true work.

      Any job would be more fun with whiskey. Hmmm… I wonder if there’s a wine & spirits around here somewhere.

      1. May 5, 2005 at 11:55 am

        Jobs that are probably more fun than whiskey:

        * Whiskey quality assurance taste tester.
        * Scurvy pirate.
        * Billionaire playboy.

        1. mav
          May 5, 2005 at 12:26 pm

          whiskey QA would imply you had to drink bad whiskey, too. So just drinking whiskey would be better than going to work.

          The others are ways of life, now “work.”

          Being a scurvy pirate is fun, sure the looting, pillaging and raping part. But you also have the not so fun part where you have to plot the course and swab the deck.

          Same with billionaire playboy. You have the obvious fringe benefits of fine food and sex with supermodels and actresses, but then you have to deal with all the training, all night patrols and people shooting at you while you wear your batsuit.

  6. May 5, 2005 at 11:13 am

    Where is the universe could work possibly be better than whiskey?

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:40 am

      some weird bizarro world, I guess…

      Haven’t talked to you in a while… how’s it going?

  7. May 5, 2005 at 11:20 am

    another

    my favorite one – extra points for ambiguity – is

    Constant grinding can turn an iron rod into a needle.

    I still don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 11:39 am

      Re: another

      it all depends on whether you are trying to bind a rail road or mend a sock.

  8. May 5, 2005 at 11:49 am

    I never take advice from something I’m about to eat anyway.

    1. mav
      May 5, 2005 at 12:27 pm

      I dunno, when something I am about to eat starts talking, I think its generally a good idea to at least pause and pay attention for a moment.

      1. May 5, 2005 at 3:15 pm

        I suppose. I guess there’s always a chance it’s going to say “if you set me free instead of eating me, I’ll grant you a wish!”

  9. May 7, 2005 at 10:35 am

    It was supposed to say “As a cure for worry, tequila is better than whiskey.”

    Then some fortune cookie editor decided it would be better with alliteration, and ruined it. Happens all the time.

    1. mav
      May 7, 2005 at 11:36 pm

      ah… ok then… makes perfect sense.

Mentions

  • mav
  • wooble
  • limpingpigeon
  • jeremiahblatz
  • mav
  • mav
  • inmostlight
  • mav
  • limpingpigeon
  • mav
  • nemesisn4sa
  • painofsalvation
  • mav
  • mav
  • mav
  • mav
  • mav
  • mav
  • valancy17
  • valancy17
  • jeremiahblatz
  • painofsalvation
  • mav
  • mav
  • mav
  • gigglefaerie
  • inmostlight
  • nemesisn4sa
  • jameel
  • painofsalvation
  • eriktheplaid

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)