given the popularity of my last post, I was tempted to never post about anything but breakfast foods ever again. But, I have a question I could use some help with.
On sitcoms, whenever someone is about to reach a ten year milestone birthday, they always have this list they pull out that they wrote some ten years before of things they need to do before they turn whatever age they’re turning. And then they look at the list and realize that they don’t have the means or opportunity to pitch for the Yankees, perform a sell out rock show at Shea Stadium, or have sex with Jenny McCarthy (she was Playboy Playmate of the Year in 1994), so they end up settling for doing some random extreme sport kinda thing, usually sky diving.
Well, I never made any such list, and seeing as how I only have 5 days left of being a 20-something, I am kinda tapped as to what I am going to obsess over for my impending mid-life crisis. So that’s where you all come in. What stuff should I really do before I turn 30? Reasonable or unreasonable?
In the meantime… anyone have George Steinbrenner, Mick Jagger and Jenny McCarthy’s phone numbers?
Go water skiing over a jump with a caged shark at the bottom.
WINNER.
hmmm… maybe this should be a contest….
dude… if I had a shark to jump over, I’d do it right now…
Whattya mean? Life begins at 30!…if there was any stuff you felt you had to do while still in the prime of your youth, you had to do that before you turned 25, ’cause everyone knows it’s all downhill from there.
What you say!!
My prime hasn’t ended yet.
Re: What you say!!
dude… your prime lasted for exactly 15 seconds of an elevator ride back in 1995.
Re: What you say!!
That was just a flash of an inkling of my true primal might.
Re: What you say!!
dude… its over, but be proud… the brightest candles burn the shortest, or something…
speaking of Bates Hill, remember the 15 year old girl who used to do her homework in the lobby? Its been nine or ten years. I wonder if she Tatyanna M. Ali’d like we’d expected her to.
Re: What you say!!
My candle burns bright, and it’s huge. Bright and long. I’m a quasar, baby!
Re: What you say!!
My candle burns bright, and it’s huge.
That’s not what she said…
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You know, I’d respond with a mother joke, but your mom actually reads this….
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and she’d kick your ass…
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Damn right! I’m not messin’ with Lynn!
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actually, I dunno if she’s paying attention today. She was hanging out with a friend of hers from out of town this week, I think.
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Not taking chances.
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don’t blame you.
In the words of Sly Stone…
Somebody’s watching you…
Re: In the words of Sly Stone…
See? See?
Re: In the words of Sly Stone…
yeah… blasted eyes in the back of the head…
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Maybe we should go down and check. Sadly, I bet she turned all ghetto and shit….
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so you think she fell prey to the statistics and became just another babymama, huh? I dunno, until I see evidence otherwise, I think I’ll just prefer to believe that she was one of those exceptions who study really, really hard, become smart and manages to start a successful singing career only to end up dating a pro sports star until he cheats on her like a fool, and she’s forced to burn his house down and sadly die before her time while doing charity work in Central America. But that’s just the romantic in me.
That said, I think we’re gonna need to add the verb “TMA” to our lexicon, along with Black Man’s Kryptonite and the millihalle scale.
Re: What you say!!
TMA?
Re: What you say!!
T·M·A (të‘–
m-ä’) v.
TMA’d, TMAish, TMAable, TMAly
v. intr.
1. To grow from a reasonably pretty underage female to an extremely fine adult female (possessing no less than 850 millihalles)
[Specific Neo-ghetto/ebonics dialect, derived from the proper noun Tatyana M. Ali]
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YES.
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dude…. I even used it in a sentence talking to someone on AIM just now!!!
wait… so my life is just beginning, but i am already past my prime? I am so confused…am I over the hill or just a baby?
Well, according to the Japanese, you are not an adult until you reach your 50s. And then, when you turn 93, you become a child again.
hmmm… very interesting… so what you’re saying is my parents have been neglecting me by not providing for me financially these past 12 years?
I can dig that.
I’m just talkin’ about shaft…
I’m just talkin’ about…
You’re full of shit…already did my time.
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I don’t get it…
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sorry…reference to “my parents have been neglecting me by not providing for me financially these past 12 years?”
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oh… well Megan says you have to take care of me til I’m 50… so I want back child support pay.
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Where’s this Megan at? I’m going to have to straighten her out for lying to my son.
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oh… Megan is who posted about 7 posts back that in Japan, you’re not an adult til you’re 50.
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Well, on that point I’d have to agree. I didn’t feel like I was really grown up until this last Bday. See, your AARP card is your official document certifying Adulthood.
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yeah, starting Sunday, I’ll be counting the days…
Jenny McCarthy’s phone numbers?
867-5309, of course.
Mr. Teleophone man, there’s something wrong with my line. I dial my baby’s number, but I get a click every time.
Mister Click’s a bastard.
there must be a bad connection, please mr. telephone man…
damn… now both songs are stuck in my head.
Teleophone
Is that made by Panasoanic?
Bwahahaha! This phone… “Sat-tel-lite” Up there in sky, just for you!
Read all of Rememberence of Things Past.
In French.
Failing that, fight in the UFC.
yeah, that’s one of those things that’s up there with pitching for the yankees and sleeping with a playmate… lost opportunities… but if you can get me booked before Saturday, I’m in.
Not lost.
Merely rescheduled.
eh… to quote the immortal Danny Glover, “I’m getting too old for this shit”
If I recall the mainstream Jenny McCarthy interviews from the height of her fame, she was into older men.
The best is yet to come.
yeah, I seem to recall that too… but I just checked, and she married a man who was only a year older than her. Hmmm… I wonder if its a phase that playmates grow out of.
Just call her up and ask if she has any Negro in her….
<groucho>and if not, does she want any?</groucho>
Smooth.
I wonder if its a phase that playmates grow out of.
I think it is our sacred duty to help them along in their development.
Isn’t Ms. McCarthy around our age?
she’s almost 32.
Yeah, I guess we could try to fix it, but most playmates are younger than us these days. Shouldn’t we be trying to encourage the behavior?
my love is like the air, never ending, and all embracing
I meant we should guide them through this rough part of their lives, when they need us most.
And when that phase is done, there is always the next crop.
Re: my love is like the air, never ending, and all embracing
gee… sounds difficult… but in the name of altruism, I guess I am willing to make some sacrifices.
But, dude, you’re in wrestling school. You’re living the dream.
Well, a dream, anyway.
true… but its not the same thing… but yeah, I’d put that in the column of things I DID accomplish before 30.
Before you turn 30, you should turn 29 a few more times. That’s certainly my plan.
I think that’s futile. The sandmen are hip to all those tricks…
You haven’t seen what I can do with a crystal and a soldering iron. Of course, we won’t know if it works for another few months.
hehehe… “I’m gonna get a couple of pipe hittin’ brothers to go to work on you with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. That’s right, I’m about to get medieval on your ass”
*Sniff* What did I do now?!?
nothing… it just reminded me of the quote.
Sandmen are for suckers!
sucker MCs?
They should call me sire.
don’t forget, Oreos eat Maverick cookies
I! Feel! Good! WOOOOOO! About Kanday!
She’s at the Bristol Hotel!
Room 515
The Bristol Hotel!
Where that at?