ChrisMaverick dotcom

Telemarketer Theater

Telemarketer Theater is getting harder and harder to do.

[INT. PITTSBURGH HOME – DAY]

Our hero, MAV, is doing some work on his laptop as his phone rings. He’s been discouraged by these last few calls. But maybe something will happen with this one. Mav answers the phone and hear the call center on the other seems to be particularly loud and busy]

MAV: Hello.

CALLER: Hello, this is Ravi with Senior Benefits. How are..

[Mav is encouraged because this time the Indian caller doesn’t seem to be poorly attempting to disguise his voice as a midwestern white man]

MAV: Ohhh! Hello Ravi.

CALLER: Yes… Hello, this is Ravi with Senior Benefits. How are you today?

MAV: Lonely and horny!

CALLER: Uh… very good. Sir, this is Ravi with Senior Benefits, and I am wondering if you have consi…

MAV: How big is your cock?

CALLER: Excuse me?

MAV: I want to know how big your cock is.

CALLER: Sir, this is Ravi with Senior Benefits, and I am wondering if you have considered the…

MAV: But how big is your cock?

CALLER: I don’t see how that matters, Sir.

MAV: Oh it matters! It definitely matters!

CALLER: Sir, I am with Senior Benefits and I am calling to see if you have considered final expen…

MAV: Do you have what I need, Ravi?

CALLER: I don’t understand, sir.

MAV: Ravi, sometimes, a man has needs. Needs that only another man can… fulfill. Do you understand what I am saying, Ravi?

CALLER: I…. I think so sir…

MAV: Do you have what I need, Ravi?

CALLER: I… I don’t know…

MAV: Can you… fulfill me, Ravi?

CALLER: How… How old are you?

MAV: How old do you want me to be?

CALLER: What? I don’t understand…

MAV: I’m old enough, daddy.

CALLER: What?!?

MAV: Is it ok if I call you Daddy?

[Click!]

MAV: Hello? Hello?

I mean, at least he stuck around for a bit.

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