you know there’s a recession when people read my wistful career change decisions and ask to work for me.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: That guy who does that thing in that place with the other thing? Yeah, him. That’s the one.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Cable Guy, Pizza Guy, Plumber. You know, any of those 70s porno careers. I also want the funk groove.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision:MonsterFighting Plumber. Maybe my brother will help. Failing that I could also be a superfast hedgehog

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Fascist Dictator of highway traffic. I’m gonna Mussolini the fucking parkway.

Today’s wistful career actuality: judge of elections. Everyone in PA go out and vote.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Male Underwear model. But I only do flannel longjohns and union suits. They’re making a comeback.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Supernatural Machete Wielding Psychotic Hockey Mask Murderer. Or an accountant. Same thing.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Motivational Speaker! You can do it! You’re Awesome! You can be anything! Wait no, not you! You suck!

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Human Organ Farm. Really, what am I using my spleen for anyway?

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: member of America’s daring, highly trained special mission force. I’m working on my kung-fu grip now.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Tony Montana’s little friend. Not the gun. I mean I just wanna be his drinking buddy or something.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Vehicle Voltron pilot. Lion is too much responsibility. I just wanna be a shoulder or something.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Vice Pres of Republic of Cuervo Gold. President is too much responsibility. Working on this tonight.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Master of disguise. Today I’m portraying an office worker in corporate America. See, I’m good at it.