Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Jason Statham. It’s like being an actor, but you get to make the same movie over and over again.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Contract Killer-I’m running a 2-for-1 Summer Discount. Just enter the offer code “fuckem” at checkout

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Trophy Husband. I can spend money, get plastic surgery and fuck the pool girl with the best of them.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: TrafficJam Car-to-car salesman. I’m pretty sure a guy sitting in traffic for 60min will buy anything!

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Publisher DC Comics. This ones serious. The industry needs me before it’s too late.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Destro. I’d pick Cobra Commander but I’d be surrounded by incompetence. Besides, Destro was a pimp.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Traveling Wilbury. I think I can sing just incomprehensibly enough to do the Dylan or Petty parts.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Big Red. Please understand, my office hours are from nine to five… any questions?

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Archaeologist. Things to get: whip, gun, hot damsel in distress to bang in act 3, Short Round

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Young Lil’ Mavacris and Dem Ying Yang Boyz. Peace up, A-town down!

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Bootzilla! Awwwwwwww Funky Funky, ya’ll.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Pro 3-card Monte Player. I’ve worked out a surefire can’t lose system! Who wants to stake me?

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Chain Gang. I may be the only man in the world to volunteer for a chain gang without going to prison

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Avenging Disco Godfather. Stylish clothes, kickass fro, and I can just bitch slap a motherfucker.

Todays Wistful Career Change Decision: Mild Mannered Reporter. But not tights or anything. I’m bring dignity back to mild-mannered reporting