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Tag: selfportrait

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-24-08

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5-24-08

Day 652 of 365 More.

It’s a hockey night in Pittsburgh!

Tonight was the first day of the Stanley Cup championships. I’m not nearly as big a hocky fan as I am of football, but on a night like this, I have to support the team.

Fat lot of good it did us.

We got blown out 4-0. Luckily, its a long series, so hopefully we’ll get them next time.

Actually, I had kind of predicted the blow out. I’m in a pool at work for the cup. I predicted that the Pens would win the series in 6 games with a total score of 11 points. When Steph asked me how they were only going to have 11 points after 6 games, I told her they were going to get blown out in at least one game, and win another 1-0, so really its only about scoring 10 points in 3 games. Much more reasonable.

Also filmed the podcast today. In a total surprise, 2 min. into the show, Stephen introduced my mom. Apparently he was in the area, so they filmed the episode from her house. It was a total surprise to me, and pretty much the whole show is just about embarrassing me. Still, it was a fun time. I can’t wait to see how the final broadcast turns out.

GO PENS!

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-23-08

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5-23-08

Day 651 of 365 More.

You know, I used to actually be good at this stuff. I really was. I was so good I even got into a pretty exclusive art school.

Of course, they ruined me.

*sigh*

I swear, I’m not fishing for compliments. This is not an attempt to make people come out of the woodwork saying "you are good." And its not an attempt to belittle anyone who thinks they don’t draw as well as me.

It’s just that I’m not happy with where my pencilling skills are right now. To be fair, I’m not the same person I was. The person I used to be drew every day for 11 years or so. The person I am today misses that and has been trying to recapture it for 3 days.

I guess I can’t expect magic over night.

I just don’t know if I can expect magic at all. The thing is, it just doesn’t work how it used to. The thing that makes me a good(i think) photographer is that I see the composition I want in my mind long before I ever actually snap the shot. I’ve always said, I’m not really a photographer. I’m an artist. I just draw with a camera now.

Drawing used to be the same way. I used to just see what I wanted in my mind and then it was a simple matter of tracing that image on the page. I still want to be able to do that, but the motor skill just aren’t there anymore.

I wonder if I’m doomed. I wonder if its just my lack of drive. I used to love drawing. If I was sitting in a class, listening to a lecture, and not paying attention, I’d look down at my notebook and find out that I had absentmindedly doodled the person sitting in front of me. That doesn’t happen anymore. Now I am pushing myself. And I’m not doing it out of love, I’m doing it out of regret. Trying to recapture I once had for the simple reason that I want to draw my own comic. There’s not even a good reason for that. I’m quite happy with the job Max is doing on Hellcats. And really, I have no real desire to take his reigns and do the daily art chores. But if we’re going to do this series of solo stories, I want to draw one of them.

Mostly just so I can say I did, I guess.

*sigh* I may never get there.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-22-08

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5-22-08

Day 650 of 365 More.

Well, I guess I’m getting a little better. Now great, but getting there.

Did some more drawing today. I’m still not comfortable to the point where I feel like I can do a whole comic, but maybe I’ll get there.

In the meantime, if you haven’t been checking out our comic, please do, and let me know what you think. Max and I update the comic ever Monday and Thursday, so a new episode went up this morning.

And if you like to draw and you want to take a shot at drawing one of the girls, by all means do so and send it to feedback@cosmichellcats.com. We have a fan art section that just doesn’t have enough stuff there yet, so I’d like to fill it out some.

Blah, it’s only 1:30am. Maybe I’ll go to sleep early for once.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-20-08

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5-20-08

Day 648 of 365 More.

"Now keep in mind that I’m an artist,
And I’m sensitive about my shit…"
-Badu

Let me let you in on a little secret. I’m not really a photographer. I never even wanted to be. I never took a single class for it.

What I wanted to be was an artist. It’s what I dreamed about when I was seven years old. It’s what I went to college for. I wanted to make comics. A childhood fantasy, sure, but its what I dreamed of.

That dream got ripped right out of my brain during school. I gave up. I became a writer, and later when I started seeing that being a writer was no more realistic than being an artist, I became a web designer.

Then I found photography. All the same rules of being an artist applied, just with different tools. And since I was doing it on my own again, there was no asshole faculty members telling me I was doing it wrong. I grew to even think I was kinda good at it. Sometimes I was even happy.

I got even happier when we started doing Hellcats. Lookie there! I was making a comic. The seven year old boy in my brain was shitting himself.

Max and I had this idea of doing a special edition of the book after we finish the second issue (which we still haven’t really started since we’ve been so busy with the comic strip). It would be four shorter solo stories, one for each of the girls. Each by a different artist. Max wants to write one of them as well as draw and it got me thinking that maybe I’d like to draw one as well as write.

God, I’m out of practice with freehand drawing. It’s been years since I’ve really given it a serious try. I totally suck now.

Now I have to decide if I want to retrain myself in the next few months (I don’t know when the hell I’d find the time) or just give up.

*sigh* There are just not enough hours in the day.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-19-08

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5-19-08

Day 647 of 365 More.

Wow…

So, I say all the time that I never expected 365 to really take off the way it did. I would really have been happy if there were 20 people in the group on my first day, but now every time I look at the stats and see it’s over 8500 people all over the world, I am astounded.

The group has gotten so big and so amazing that a month ago, my mother decided to organize the members to pay tribute to me and my awesomeness.

Wow.

So I kind of expect my mother and Steph to do stuff like this, because for some crazy reason, they claim to actually love me. I even expect it of Jameel since he’s spent the better part of his adult life, laying in bed at night and dreaming that he might one day be the Maverick. I’m happy they participated, but its no surprise.

The real surprise is the other 130-odd people who have also copycatted one of my photos in the last 24 hours.

I’m sorry I can’t go through and comment on each and every one of you (just flipping through the pool and working on this pic ate up my whole night and kept me from working on the next episode of Cosmic Hellcats which I had planned on working on tonight (and if you aren’t reading my webcomic, shame on you. Go check it out now! End cheap plug…), but let me just say that viewing the whole thing really made my day. So thank you to all who participated.

When I first heard about this, my immediate thought was "hmm, I wonder how many catholic school girl pics there are going to be today?" I kinda guessed that there might be one from like_shipwrecks and I was was so sure that PhotoKat would do one, that I would have bet my life on it. But the entries from er3465, evaxebra and gaymay were nice surprises. And it was great going through the pool and seeing other people’s takes on all my other ideas.

So thank you to everyone who participated and feel free to make it a yearly occurrence. Maybe next year we’ll all get off work. 🙂

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-18-08

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5-18-08

Day 646 of 365 More.

It really shows how busy I am when I can’t even find time to use my hottub. My back has literally been sore for like two weeks now. I knew that I need to soak in my hottub, but between work, 365, the podcast, Hellcats(which is now posted, by the way, so check it out), getting ready for art shows and comicons and trying to lead some kind of a life, I simply haven’t had the fifteen minutes to spare to get in.

Today all of that changed.

I finished tomorrow’s Hellcats early and got the podcast shot and uploaded for Stephen to edit. I really felt like I needed to get a jump on Thursday’s Hellcats, but there was a new Ninja Warrior tournament on tonight and Steph and I were planning to watch that together (I will someday conquer the demons of Mt. Midoriyama, this I swear). I was waiting for her to come home from her sexist book club and finally decided I’d had enough.

Oh god, I should have done this days. Ago. Fifteen minutes and I’m a new man.

If you don’t have a hottub, your life is hardly worth living.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr, Photoshoot

5-17-08

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5-17-08

Day 645 of 365 More.

Max and I presented Cosmic Hellcats at an art show at Creative Treehouse (the place that I’ve had other recent photography shows). Sadly, we didn’t do as well, as I would have hoped, there were far fewer people there than there were at previous shows, and no one really buys much at them anyway. But, a lot of people did say they really liked our stuff, so that was good. I may even have picked up another couple tarot models. And again, I’ve neglected the tarot project. I really need to find more hours in the day. *sigh*

Took a bunch of pictures of one of the bands at the show, and a few snapshots of random other people, but I really didn’t get that much with me in it. I did do this one though. And damn! Crazy eyes!

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-15-08

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5-15-08

Day 643 of 365 More.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. At least I hope.

This is Omaha the Cat Dancer. Maybe the single biggest influence on me for Cosmic Hellcats. My friend Jenn had bought me all the trade paperbacks except for one years ago. They’ve all been out of print for a while. One of them, volume 5, Jenn was never able to get me. I have the individual comics, but the collected volume was amazingly rare, not because of the story (which is a briiliant exploration of human sexuality and modern feminism through the metaphor of anthromorphic animals by Reed Waller and Kate Worley), but because it happens to have a two page foreword by Neil Gaiman and fanboys are idiots.

But it came back into print this week. And now at long last I have it. What’s more, soon I will have previously unpublished volumes 7 and 8, thus completing the Omaha story, after all these years (it originally started in 1986, and it ceased publication mid story in 1992). But now I will finally know the end.

I can’t wait.

Probably, even among you that are comic book fans, what I am talking about is way too obscure for anyone to care about. I don’t care. Just trust me, this is awesome.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-14-08

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5-14-08

Day 642 of 365 More.

I like this whole being a celebrity thing.

I was on The Hafl Show today, promoting Cosmic Hellcats and the 365 Days Podcast. Actually, I taped the episode on Wednesday, and they only played half the interview today, with the other half (heehee, that’s a joke) coming next week. Anyway, it was a really fun show. I was amused to find out they played my old Muddy Waters wrestling theme song (Mannish Boy) as they were announcing me coming on the show. I should really update my wrestling page with my current theme music (Hard Out There for a Pimp). Anyway, it was a good time, so definitely check it out..

Got the most recent Cosmic Hellcats web comic posted tonight too, so go check that out as well. Sarah makes her first webcomic today. Let me know what you think.

Ugh, it’s 4:30 AM. I was working on some stuff and fell asleep on my couch around midnight. I really have to get into a normal person rhythm one of these days.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr, Photoshoot

5-13-08

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5-13-08

Day 641 of 365 More.

I think I’m going to have to kill Jack Scoresby.

Anyone who’s viewed my stream for a while probably realizes that Jack and I have an ongoing friendly rivalry. I’ve always respected him as a photographer. Sometimes we’ve collaborated on a friendly photo. Sometimes less friendly.

Jack is currently off being all he can be. Or whatever teh equivalent of that is in the Navy, anyway. But from time to time I get a chance to speak with him on the phone or over instant messenger. Today, we spoke for a bit and he informed me of his intention to steal my two favorite models, Amaya and Sarah.

Now this means war.

You know what the best part of having a battle of the bands photography style with Jack is? Since he’s away in the service, he doesn’t have access to his studio and pretty much just loses automatically.

Point, Maverick!

I should have killed him when I had the chance.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-12-08

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5-12-08

Day 640 of 365 More.

How do you become popular?

That probably sounds funny coming from me. By all rights, I am popular. The funny thing is, I don’t really know how I did it. A bunch of people started reading my blog because presumedly they find my random ranting and raving (ie. being myself) amusing. Even more people follow my flickr stream, presumedly because I’m not an awful photographer and I happen to take a lot of pictures of hot babes. And even more people joined 365 days because, I guess at heart we’re all egotistical narcissists. I wanted all of those things to become popular. But I don’t know that I really did anything, other than kinda build what I wanted to, and what I wanted happened to be the winning formula. Yay, go me.

But then we have my other projects. the 365 podcast gets maybe 200 people watching it every week. Which is nice. Really it is. Don’t get me wrong. But with the amount of work we (and especially Stephen) put into it, you’d kinda wish it was 10 times that. And Cosmic Hellcats is totally consuming my life these days (its why I’m up at 3am yet again) as well as Max’s life and by our estimate, we have MAYBE 50 people checking the site regularly. That’s it. Really, I don’t expect to be rich. It’d be nice. But really, I’m just looking for appreciated right now. It’s a hell of a lot of work for just amusing 50 people. Likely 50 people who are already amused by my blog or 365 anyway.

So what am I missing? How do I pimp the site? We don’t really want to spend money on advertising, per se (at least not yet). But I’d love it if I was sure there was a word of mouth thing going on. But I don’t know how to get that started. Honestly, I don’t really know for sure that anyone is following the storyline at all.

Are you? Does anyone really care or are we just annoying people? And if you like it, have you recommended it to other people?’

What about the podcast? Same thing.

Speaking of the podcast, the reason I look all grainy and gritty here is because the mini-challenge this week is to do textured photos. Here is mine. The texture was taken with a 300mm macro lens. It’s the side of my neighbors stone staircase to his porch. The portrait was taken in my studio.

So anyway… help me out. How do I become popular so I can take over the world?

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-11-08

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5-11-08

Day 639 of 365 More.

21 months. That’s how long I’ve been doing this. It’s been a whirlwind journey. People keep asking me how I keep going after all this time. Honestly, I don’t know. There are days like today when I don’t have an idea at all. Where I don’t feel like going on. And yet, I just kinda do. It’s weird. At this point I’d just feel wrong if I DIDN’T take a picture. So I do. Whether I have an idea or not. 639 days and I just feel like I’ve taken every picture there is to take. And yet I’ll come up with one tomorrow too. *sigh* Clearly, I got problems.

I think one of the things sapping my creativity with 365 is that I’ve found other outlets. Cosmic Hellcats is going really well. I’m very proud of it. The most recent episode is up, so go check it out. Max and I will be doing an art show on Saturday where we will be displaying it.

I’ve also gotten back into working on my tarot deck. I still have a couple more cards shot but that I need to edit and some that I want to redo. Maybe I’ll actually finish it and be able to sell it one of these days.

But not today. I think I maybe even like this picture, but I just am not feeling creative at the moment at all.

Blah… being an artist is hard.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-10-08

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5-10-08

Day 638 of 365 More.

Spent the day coloring the next episode of Hellcats. It’s not due up til Monday, so I’m ahead of schedule. Woohoo. If I can get Thursday’s episode done tomorrow, I’ll be in really good shape.

After I filmed the 365 Days podcast with Stephen and I tried to figure out what shot to do for today. Steph was watching Law and Order: Criminally Bad Acting. The suspect was a writer. They were looking at his headshot, ad they determined he was an author because of the pic. Why? Because he had his fist under his chin and "all authors do that, it hides the double chin." I thought about it for a moment, and they were actually write. That is totally the classic author pose. So I had my picture for today.

There, I’m a real author now. Now all I have to do is be seduced into a threesome by a homicidal lesbian madame and one of her callgirls and then framed for the murder of the callgirl by said madame and feel so distraught that I hang myself in my cell, after failing to do so twice. God that show is really bad.

Edited a couple Tarot Cards tonight. The first in a long time. Check them out.

365 days

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-9-08

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Day 637 of 365 More. One of my all-time favorite photographers on flickr is Jack Scoresby. So when we proposed the copycat challenge for the 365 Days podcast, I knew that I’d probably pick one of his. Thinking about it last night, I decided to try my hand at one of my all time favorite…

365 Days, Imported From Flickr

5-8-08

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Day 636 of 365 More. One of the nice things about the 365 project when I started was that it gave me time to practice a photoshop technique here or there that I had been wanting to play with. Over time, I kind of got away from that. In fact, I don’t even remember the…