I love that Wendy’s PR has decided “the real Wendy is a fat old chick who grew up on our burgers & fries. Lets find a hot young redhead!”

Why must people pretend Betty White is funny even when she’s not. She’s an an accomplished actress. She deserves to know her show sucks.

English needs better family descriptors. Is “cousin-in-law” a thing? And is it “my cousin’s wife” or “my wife’s cousin?”

It’s 2013. Why do we still live in a world where I can’t buy a digital download of Cop Rock? Yes. I’m serious.

I think maybe I want one of these

Tweet from Brigid (my lesbian, internet, photographer girlfriend): “Naked, troubleshooting my computer until it crashes by watching the Watchmen as the Avengers loads. Current status: teengeek’s wet dream.” My response: “also you’re a lesbian. Throw in a pizza boy or plumber and you’re the greatest porn cliche ever.”

There are few joys as great as being the only black guy at a wedding watching 20+ white people trying to electric slide.

I hate when a bunch of ice melts and falls off the roof and for a moment I think there was a massive crash in front of my house.

Now I want one, just to do this!

The Newlywed Game definitely favors boring couples. “Riskiest place you’ve had sex?” “Over the covers.” And they matched. Really?!?!?

My PhD apps are officially complete. Its Miller Time! Well, Miller sucks. Its Yuengling Time. Or scotch time. I dunno. I’m getting a drink

Dear @flixster, @uvvu, @wbpictures, @DCComics: If you need to warn me my digital download is iTunes incompatible THAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

Stephanie: The end of football season is always so sad, don’t you think? Mav: This year?!? God No! Mercifully it’s over!