there… the chocolate beer I brewed is bottled. That’s the good news. Bad news is I still have to wait 2 weeks to drink it. DAMMIT!!!

Wow. The Jehovah’s Witnesses have the worst telemarketers ever. They should really outsource to India.

the best part of marriage is I can buy really geeky stuff like this and not worry about not getting laid. Well… maybe… http://t.co/QqCaj6V1Marvel Spiderman Men's Red Costume HoodyThis hoody is made with quality materials.

I love that the state congressman pushing for legal weed in Pennsylvania is named “Bizzarro.”http://t.co/eYEmYEK2Time To Legalize Marijuana In PA?With the growing number of states legalizing marijuana…one Philadelphia Senator asks the question, is it time to legalize marijuana here in Pennsylvania?

I love that Wendy’s PR has decided “the real Wendy is a fat old chick who grew up on our burgers & fries. Lets find a hot young redhead!”

Why must people pretend Betty White is funny even when she’s not. She’s an an accomplished actress. She deserves to know her show sucks.

English needs better family descriptors. Is “cousin-in-law” a thing? And is it “my cousin’s wife” or “my wife’s cousin?”

It’s 2013. Why do we still live in a world where I can’t buy a digital download of Cop Rock? Yes. I’m serious.

I think maybe I want one of these

Tweet from Brigid (my lesbian, internet, photographer girlfriend): “Naked, troubleshooting my computer until it crashes by watching the Watchmen as the Avengers loads. Current status: teengeek’s wet dream.” My response: “also you’re a lesbian. Throw in a pizza boy or plumber and you’re the greatest porn cliche ever.”

There are few joys as great as being the only black guy at a wedding watching 20+ white people trying to electric slide.

I hate when a bunch of ice melts and falls off the roof and for a moment I think there was a massive crash in front of my house.

Now I want one, just to do this!