{"id":39623,"date":"2018-08-31T19:41:29","date_gmt":"2018-08-31T23:41:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/?p=39623"},"modified":"2018-08-31T20:46:22","modified_gmt":"2018-09-01T00:46:22","slug":"on-mourning-boners-and-slut-shaming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/2018\/08\/31\/on-mourning-boners-and-slut-shaming\/","title":{"rendered":"on Mourning Boners and Slut Shaming&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/GettyImages-1025541062-1535735307-640x427.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-39624\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/GettyImages-1025541062-1535735307-640x427.jpg?resize=300%2C200\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/GettyImages-1025541062-1535735307-640x427.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/GettyImages-1025541062-1535735307-640x427.jpg?resize=640%2C427&amp;ssl=1 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>Dear Performatively Evangelical Internet,<\/p>\n<p>Please kindly&#8230; fuck off. Seriously.<\/p>\n<p>-Love, Mav<\/p>\n<p>Ok, now that that&#8217;s out the way&#8230; I&#8217;m guessing most people don&#8217;t know what the hell I&#8217;m talking about. Ok. So earlier today the memorial service for Aretha Franklin, undisputed Queen of Soul, was held. This was a big enough deal that CNN cut away from coverage of John McCain&#8217;s ongoing memorials. Why? Because queens outrank senators. That&#8217;s why. Among the other guests, someone decided to book Ariana Grande because she recently covered &#8220;You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman,&#8221; one of Aretha&#8217;s biggest hits, on the Jimmy Fallon show as a tribute. She rocked it, so someone immediately decided to book her for Aretha&#8217;s funeral. Where she rocked it again. Take a look.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"910\" height=\"512\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/pkinJsfWmQo?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Do you have any idea how hard it is to get standing ovation at a fucking funeral? You don&#8217;t? You know what? Neither does Ariana Grande&#8230; because that shit just happens for her. She&#8217;s that good. Anyway, it was great. It was moving. I loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Fast forward a few hours.<\/p>\n<p>Check twitter&#8230; check the news&#8230; and what the fuck people?!?!? <a href=\"https:\/\/www.usatoday.com\/story\/life\/music\/2018\/08\/31\/ariana-grande-sings-sparks-controversy-aretha-franklins-funeral\/1159644002\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">People are seriously upset about what she wore<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Ariana Grande is 5 feet tall at best and still managed to find a dress that barely covered her ass for the house of the Lord, waouw ?<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Shamira ?? (<a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/_ShamGod\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">@_ShamGod<\/a>) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/_ShamGod\/status\/1035568699317645312?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">August 31, 2018<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Um Ariana Grande, this a church service. Nobody coulda helped that chyle find a more conservative outfit? ?<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/ArethaFranklinHomegoing?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#ArethaFranklinHomegoing<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Drew Comments (<a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/sjs856\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">@sjs856<\/a>) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/sjs856\/status\/1035574869595844608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">August 31, 2018<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Ariana Grande came to Aretha\u2019s funeral with a club dress on. Where are the church mothers when you need one? <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/ArethaFranklinFuneral?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#ArethaFranklinFuneral<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; King Ares. (<a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/aPITCHinheels\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">@aPITCHinheels<\/a>) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/aPITCHinheels\/status\/1035535889336819712?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">August 31, 2018<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>Ok, let&#8217;s get something clear. Ariana Grande is famous for exactly two reasons. One, she has the voice of an angel. And two, she is the living embodiment of a 13 year old boy&#8217;s wet dream. That&#8217;s not on accident. That&#8217;s what she chooses to be. Honestly, given everything I&#8217;ve ever seen Ariana Grande wear&#8230; that may be the most conservative thing she owns. And that&#8217;s fine&#8230; because when they booked Ariana for a funeral, they knew what they were getting. You know who else knew what what they&#8217;d be getting with Ariana Grande&#8230; Aretha Franklin&#8230; you know why? Because Aretha Franklin was a fan. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Xooxd-qSVoU\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Ariana even talked about meeting her on the episode of Fallon which got her booked in the first place<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/R-1654787-1234816733.jpeg.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-39625\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/R-1654787-1234816733.jpeg.jpg?resize=200%2C200\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/R-1654787-1234816733.jpeg.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/R-1654787-1234816733.jpeg.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/R-1654787-1234816733.jpeg.jpg?w=548&amp;ssl=1 548w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\nBut also, Aretha literally used to dress like that ALL THE TIME! That&#8217;s probably why she liked her. Sixty years ago, Aretha Franklin WAS Ariana Grande. Hell, ten years ago, Aretha Franklin was Ariana Grande&#8230; Do you have any idea how many times Aretha was chastised in the press for walking around with her tits hanging out of her dress? Pretty much her entire career. That&#8217;s sort of what she did. She was extremely body positive WELL past the time when her age and weight made her no longer look like Ariana does.<\/p>\n<p>Seriously, I&#8217;m a fan of Ariana&#8217;s voice. And, frankly, I&#8217;ll admit that I&#8217;m a fan of her body. But honestly, when I was watching her singing Aretha&#8217;s song earlier I did not for one moment consider how hot she was. It didn&#8217;t even cross my mind. She is&#8230; yes&#8230; she&#8217;s quite attractive. But the voice of an angel and the emotion of the moment of tribute, and the memories of Aretha totally eclipsed what she looked like. Because I&#8217;m a fan&#8230; and that&#8217;s what she was there for. I didn&#8217;t have time to be distracted by a mid-thigh hemline.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/article-1336972-0C529463000005DC-399_468x684.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-39626\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/article-1336972-0C529463000005DC-399_468x684.jpg?resize=205%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"205\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/article-1336972-0C529463000005DC-399_468x684.jpg?resize=205%2C300&amp;ssl=1 205w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/article-1336972-0C529463000005DC-399_468x684.jpg?w=468&amp;ssl=1 468w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 205px) 100vw, 205px\" \/><\/a>And if that didn&#8217;t happen for you&#8230; well, then perhaps maybe the problem isn&#8217;t that Ariana did something wrong. Perhaps the problem is that you don&#8217;t care about Ariana, Aretha or funerals anywhere near as much as you care about daydreaming about fucking Ariana Grande.<\/p>\n<p>So, if you&#8217;re that concerned about where the hemline was on that dress, and how it might have disrespected Aretha&#8230;then&#8230; seriously&#8230; you&#8217;re not really an Aretha fan. You just like being holier-than-thou and slut shaming someone who clearly knows a lot more about her than you do. You would have said the same thing about Aretha before two weeks ago. And you probably did. So seriously&#8230; fuck off.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: .75em;\">PS: Yes, I also know that people are trying to defend Ariana by freeze-framing video and saying she was touched inappropriately by the pastor who presided over the service. That&#8217;s a separate issue and I left it alone on purpose.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"syndication-links\"><span class=\"syn-text\">Also on:<\/span><ul class=\"relsyn\"><li><a aria-label=\"facebook\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/chrismaverick\/posts\/10156801575986654\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-facebook\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Facebook\" title=\"Facebook\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>Facebook<\/title><path d=\"M9.101 23.691v-7.98H6.627v-3.667h2.474v-1.58c0-4.085 1.848-5.978 5.858-5.978.401 0 .955.042 1.468.103a8.68 8.68 0 0 1 1.141.195v3.325a8.623 8.623 0 0 0-.653-.036 26.805 26.805 0 0 0-.733-.009c-.707 0-1.259.096-1.675.309a1.686 1.686 0 0 0-.679.622c-.258.42-.374.995-.374 1.752v1.297h3.919l-.386 2.103-.287 1.564h-3.246v8.245C19.396 23.238 24 18.179 24 12.044c0-6.627-5.373-12-12-12s-12 5.373-12 12c0 5.628 3.874 10.35 9.101 11.647Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span>Facebook<\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"x\" class=\"u-syndication syn-link\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/chrismaverick\/status\/1035692146655780864\"> <span class=\"syndication-link-icon svg-x\" style=\"display: inline-block; max-width: 1rem; margin: 2px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"X\" title=\"X\" ><svg role=\"img\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><title>X<\/title><path d=\"M18.901 1.153h3.68l-8.04 9.19L24 22.846h-7.406l-5.8-7.584-6.638 7.584H.474l8.6-9.83L0 1.154h7.594l5.243 6.932ZM17.61 20.644h2.039L6.486 3.24H4.298Z\"\/><\/svg><\/span>X<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Performatively Evangelical Internet, Please kindly&#8230; fuck off. Seriously. -Love, Mav Ok, now that that&#8217;s out the way&#8230; I&#8217;m guessing most people don&#8217;t know what the hell I&#8217;m talking about. Ok. So earlier today the memorial service for Aretha Franklin, undisputed Queen of Soul, was held. This was a big enough deal that CNN cut&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"mf2_syndication":[],"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[340,6477,14,11,341],"tags":[7671,696,4332,3298,242],"class_list":["post-39623","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gender-studies","category-music","category-pop-culture","category-rants","category-religion","tag-aretha-franklin","tag-ariana-grande","tag-funeral","tag-memorial","tag-slut-shaming","kind-"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>on Mourning Boners and Slut Shaming... - ChrisMaverick dotcom<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.chrismaverick.com\/wp\/2018\/08\/31\/on-mourning-boners-and-slut-shaming\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"on Mourning Boners and Slut Shaming... - ChrisMaverick dotcom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Performatively Evangelical Internet, Please kindly&#8230; fuck off. Seriously. -Love, Mav Ok, now that that&#8217;s out the way&#8230; I&#8217;m guessing most people don&#8217;t know what the hell I&#8217;m talking about. Ok. So earlier today the memorial service for Aretha Franklin, undisputed Queen of Soul, was held. 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I only do things for fun.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.chrismaverick.com\\\/wp\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.chrismaverick.com\\\/wp\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/0823b3f182afd10b3fbf80efbf9dde0c\",\"name\":\"mav\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/84af75bc223e815b68312ee648115ec3cb265125bbe39cd38d75bb0bcbcf1e2a?s=96&d=https:\\\/\\\/www.chrismaverick.com\\\/wp\\\/wp-content\\\/plugins\\\/semantic-linkbacks\\\/img\\\/mm.jpg&r=pg\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/84af75bc223e815b68312ee648115ec3cb265125bbe39cd38d75bb0bcbcf1e2a?s=96&d=https:\\\/\\\/www.chrismaverick.com\\\/wp\\\/wp-content\\\/plugins\\\/semantic-linkbacks\\\/img\\\/mm.jpg&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/84af75bc223e815b68312ee648115ec3cb265125bbe39cd38d75bb0bcbcf1e2a?s=96&d=https:\\\/\\\/www.chrismaverick.com\\\/wp\\\/wp-content\\\/plugins\\\/semantic-linkbacks\\\/img\\\/mm.jpg&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"mav\"},\"description\":\"I do nothing for a living. 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So earlier today the memorial service for Aretha Franklin, undisputed Queen of Soul, was held. 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