ChrisMaverick dotcom

Non-Spoiler Review of The Flash (in Play form!)

g9Q7uIaSo the season finale of The Flash was tonight. Steph watched it with me. Now she hasn’t really watched the rest of the season, and she’s not a fan of the comics, so she doesn’t really know what’s going on. I’m mentioning this because Steph hates when I misquote her, so fair warning: this is somewhat edited mostly to remove spoilers from tonight’s episode. But the gist of the conversation remains the same.

So I now present, Mav and Steph watching the Flash, a one act play:

INT. PITTSBURGH HOME – NIGHT – After a long hard day doing his civic duty and working the the election polls, our hero, MAV sits down to watch the season finale of The Flash with his wife, STEPHANIE. He is tired, but he knows he must watch it tonight because the Internet fucking sucks, and if he doesn’t watch someone might spoil it for him. Steph, while not a fan agrees to watch it with him, because she’s awesome and that’s what awesome girls do!

Steph: so who is that guy?

Mav: He’s the reverse flash.

Steph: But what’s his name?

Mav: The Reverse Flash.

Steph: Why do they call him that?

Mav: Because he’s like the flash, but reversed.

Steph: that’s a dumb name.

Mav: Would you prefer they call him Professor Zoom?

Steph: That would be better.

Mav: Oh, well, they didn’t use that one. In the comics he’s both. But here they just call him Reverse Flash.

Steph: That’s ridiculous. Why would he define himself in relation to his enemy like that?

Mav: Well he didn’t. They named him that.

Steph: Why don’t they pick a better name?

Mav: Well, they had a different one earlier in the season. Then they changed it.

Steph: What was the old name?

Mav: The Man in the Yellow Suit.

Steph: I’m going to bed!

FIN!

om

33 comments for “Non-Spoiler Review of The Flash (in Play form!)

  1. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 2:46 am

    He also has a serious name: Eobard Thawne! Wait, where are you going? Come back!

  2. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 4:06 am

    Professor Zoom is a better name?

  3. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 5:10 am

    I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain…oh..sorry…focus…. Yes, it is. Not only is Reverse Flash completely unimaginative, it’s ambiguous. Does he run really fast backwards? Or maybe he moves extremely slowly. Evil Flash would be better. But maybe his name is meant to be silly (it is kind of a Tick-like joke). Like Mav said, I haven’t watched the show to get a better idea.

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 5:18 am

      Maybe instead of running fast he makes everything else go slowly? that seems more like the reverse of the Flash.

    2. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 5:59 am

      SPOOOON!

    3. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:08 am

      See, you’re overthinking it. Kinda like how the arrow was the hood for 1 1/2 seasons, the flash was the blur for half this season and (expanding outward) Clark Kent was the red-blue blur in smallville, Cisco (and the press in the comics) gave him the name because the colors of both his costume and his speed effect/lighting is the reverse of Barry’s and they didn’t know what else to call him.

    4. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:10 am

      She has no idea who any of those people are.

  4. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 5:53 am

    I think the moniker “Reverse Flash” might go back to the Golden Age of comics when men were men and deadlines were tight…

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 5:54 am

      I actually said to her when she made the “sounds like a Tick villain” comment to me: It was the Silver Age, it was a different time

    2. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 5:55 am

      Of course, this is the same company that gave us “Anti-Monitor” as the most-baddest-ass evil dude EVAR… in 1985.

  5. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 6:17 am

    Yeah I was going to ask if he runs in reverse or what. Or maybe his only superpower is to remove Flash’s power?

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 6:19 am

      I didn’t put it in the final version of the play, but there was also an exchange like this:

      Stephanie: How is he reversed?

      Mav: Wel, whereas the Flash is red and yellow, the Reverse Flash is yellow and red.

  6. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 6:24 am

    Not to spoil it for anyone, but near the end, when that easter egg pops out of the wormhole, Clinks to the ground, and Eddie says ‘What’s that?’ I totally marked out.

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 11:01 am

      Yep. Marked right the fuck out.

    2. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      I’m pretty sure Mav did that, too.

    3. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 12:30 pm

      nah…. I thought it was cute, but not amazing… (I think Steph isn’t thinking of the moment the boys are)

    4. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 12:47 pm

      Mav hatin’.

    5. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      no I’m not. I said it was cute.

    6. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 1:05 pm

      Hatin’.

    7. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      dude… you’re not even doing it right. The correct insult is #LetChrisMaverickDie

    8. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 1:29 pm

      Oh, you’re right. My bad.

      Ahem.

      #LetChrisMaverickDie

    9. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      Much better. These protocols matter!

  7. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 6:40 am

    Stephanie’s reaction is exactly why I don’t read DC lol.

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 6:57 am

      Oh be fair… it’s not like Marvel doesn’t have it’s share of lamely named Silver Age characters

  8. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 7:05 am

    I dont read any of those.

  9. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 7:07 am

    I dont like the amount of powers/animal + gender named superheroes from DC. That makes me insane.

  10. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 7:51 am

    “Paste Pot Pete” should keep all Marvel people quiet about names.

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:05 am

      It’s no Elongated Lad..

    2. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:09 am

      So how’d Iron Lad work out for you?

    3. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:30 am

      Are you really doing this??

  11. avatar
    May 20, 2015 at 8:15 am

    Now explain the concept of bizarro versions to her.

    1. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:16 am

      No. I like being married.

    2. avatar
      May 20, 2015 at 8:19 am

      But Bizarro Mav am hate being married.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.