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If you’re going to “well, actually…” racism, make sure you pay attention to the “actually” part…

Sometimes I see dumb shit on the internet. Most of the time I ignore it. I know that might come as a surprise to some people, because it certain *feels* like I argue about a lot of dumb shit. But the honest truth is, there’s so much dumb shit out there that I just can’t get to all of it… There’s just soooooo much dumb shit on the internet… like, it’s full of it. You’d almost think that the internet was invented solely for the purpose of posting dumb shit. But that’s dumb. Everyone knows that the internet’s primary purpose is porn… and kitten videos.

Anyway, sometimes I come across some dumb shit that is just so dumb and so shitty that it just has to be addressed. This is one of those times. I saw this meme on Facebook a couple of hours ago, and decided to tell the individual I saw share it just how dumb it was and why. And then it continued to bother me, so I decided to go and post why it was dumb on the meme creator’s page. But I’m sure I’ll be drowned out there by her wackadoo echo chamber. So it continued to bother me. So, in order to alleviate the stench of dumb shit that is just floating around in my brain I’m just going to rant about it now.

The meme in question has a picture of a black woman doing her best “Whatchu’ Talkin’ about, Willis?!?!” Face and pointing to a quote that says;

“You can feel free to call me an Uncle Tom. It does not affect me, you know why? Because I actually read the book; Uncle Tom was the hero.”

-Candace Owens


Ok, so the meme in question was posted by Candace Owens, a “conservative blogger and journalist.” It’s a meme of her… quoting herself… I’m not going to even make fun of that… other than to say that when you’re posting inspirational quotes… FROM YOURSELF to your YOUR OWN PAGE as memes…. that’s just… well, it’s special. And I’m not going to make fun of Candace’s politics either. I don’t feel like every black person needs to be liberal. If you want to be politically conservative, then you do you, girlfriend!

And most importantly, I don’t want to jump down her throat for being an “Uncle Tom.” That’s a shitty insult. And I feel bad for her being called that. Unfortunately, we live in a world where black people are often chastised for being too intelligent, too proper or too eloquent. We live in a world where, when your skin doesn’t pass the paper bag test, it’s just as much of a obstacle in some circles to be educated or well-spoken as it is an advantage. It’s a shitty world. And I have dealt with it personally. I frequently deal with it personally. Ironically, many of the people who might claim that systemic racism doesn’t exist would point to me and my personal success as proof. I imagine they probably point to the success of Ms. Owens here as well.

Fuck those people! I got where I am because I’m a fucking genius… and I’m fucking lucky. If I were white, I’d be president by now… of the planet.

But also fuck the people, white or black, who might criticize me or Ms. Owens for being who we are… She has just as much a right to be an “Uncle Tom” as she does to be a gangsta rapper. Like I said… you do you.

That, said… Candace… well, actually… WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?

I have serious doubts that you “actually read the book” Uncle Tom’s Cabin. And if you did, I don’t think you actually understood it. I’m actually not a Civil War lit era scholar. But I have read it. And lucky enough, several of my friends ARE Civil War lit scholars. So they might even be nice enough to sort of help you out here.

Tom is NOT the hero of the book! At least not in the way we usually use the world “hero.” Yes, he’s the title character… but he’s arguably not even the protagonist.  If anything Eliza is the hero… or maybe Little Eva. He’s a martyr. Tom believed in a doctrine of passive Christian non-resistance. He puts his faith in white people and in the system, believing that by being devout he will ultimately be set free in both body and spirit. And for all his troubles, do you know what actually happens to him? You should if you read the book… he dies in slavery! He is beaten to death by an evil slave owner after years in captivity, separated from his family who he never sees again. The “good” white slave owners who are trying to help him and set him free are too late and they fail… all while Eliza, another slave, who fights for her freedom and flees captivity in the face of many trials and dangers that face her, is able to escape and begin a new life for herself and her family.

Like… that’s literally the plot of the book! The whole fucking point is that “Tom is the best negro that a white man could possibly ask for, and in payment white people are really shitty to him and fucking kill him!” THAT’S THE POINT! Like, it’s not ambiguous. If anything, Uncle Tom’s Cabin is kind of an annoying read because it is SO morality heavy. It is famously melodramatic. The whole point of the book (written by a white woman, btw) is “hey fellow white people, the status quo sucks, so maybe don’t expect negroes to lay down and take our bullshit… because we’re fucking killing them… even the good ones!” The reason “Uncle Tom” became the insult it is today was because he represents a black man that accepts the institutionalized racism of the system in which he is placed to the point that he not only fails to help correct the system but can’t even save himself.

So i’m not saying you have to believe what I believe. I’m not saying you have to have my politics. I’m not saying that anyone should change the way they speak or carry themselves. But if you’re going to try and get all holier-than-thou and and pull some bullshit pedantry on something like this…  then best know your shit!

“Come hard with your good shit… and leave the dumb shit at home!”

-Christopher Maverick

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