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Introducing Mav’s Really Depressing Celebrity Dead Pool – 2017!

So for the last several months, I’ve been watching people get al upset at “2016 having killed yet another celebrity!” Towards the end of the year, I started joking that it was “really going to suck, when people started realizing that celebrities are going to die in 2017 too.” There’s lot of questions as to whether or not “more celebrities are dying now” or not… in fact, I saw a really interesting article the other day that tried to decide the truth of this with stats. I have lots of thoughts as to whether or not more celebrities are actually dying. Short form is that I think “sort of but not really.” I think there are more but I think that’s mostly because there are more celebrities to die. We’re into the point where babyboomers are going to start dropping off more and more. Plus, the baby boomers came of age during the televsion age. It’s just way easier to be a celebrity for people who were celebritying about  after 1950-1960 or so than it was for people earlier in the century (and just wait until internet celebrities get old enough to start dying). Plus, being a celebrity in the 1980s basically meant you got to do REALLY A LOT of cocaine… and if you didn’t you were celebritying wrong. My point is, get used to this kids… because this is the new normal.

And since I started thinking about that, I posted this tweet the other day:

See, here’s the thing. First of all, I’m not really as freaked out about celebrity death as other people. A great man once said “What is death, but another part of life? Usually the last part.” That great man was George Carlin and I loved him. He’s also fucking dead. I also happen to love fantasy sports. So I figured. What the hell. Let me see if there’s anyone else out there morbid enough to want to make a friendly wager on it.

And of course, a lot of you people are just as fucking crazy as I am. And so….

Introducing Mav’s Really Depressing Celebrity Dead Pool – 2017!

People have suggested using one of the public websites that are set up to manage this. But those seem to take dues and really, this is something that it would be easy enough to run ourselves. Especially for a small group. And then rather than send the entry fee to some random website. We can just use it for prize money. So here’s how it works:

  1. The Game will officially start at the stroke of midnight on 2/1/17 Eastern Time. It’s my pool so it uses my cut off time zone. Deal with it.
  2. Pick ten celebrities and post them in the comments below. I’m pretty open to the idea of what a celebrity is. Basically, a famous person who is not currently on death row (being in jail is fine…. but it feels kind of unfair to pick someone who’s scheduled death date you already know). All picks must be made before 11:59:59pm on 1/31/17 Eastern Time.
  3. Once you have made your picks paypal me $10 ( with a note saying that it is your entry fee for the dead pool. PayPal your money by 11:59:59pm on 1/31/17 Eastern Time.
  4. Once I have your comment with your picks AND your money, you are officially in the pool.
  5. All celebrities picked MUST be alive as of midnight in the start of the game. If your celebrity dies before the game starts, you can replace him or her by responding to your own comment before the start of the game.
  6. If there’s any disputes on someone “counting as a celebrity” the official members of the pool will vote on them on. I really can’t see this being a problem. But whatever.
  7. There will be three prizes: First death, Last death and Most points.
  8. First Death will be the first celebrity from the pool to die AFTER the start of the game. Whoever picks this will get 10% of the prize pool, whatever it is. (if multiple people pick this person, they’ll split the prize)
  9. Last Death will be the very last celebrity from the pool to die before the stroke of midnight that begins 2018. Whoever picks this will get 15% of the prize pool. (again, multiple people pick this person, they’ll split the prize).
  10. The rest of the pool will be awarded to whoever has the most points. Points for a celebrity death are awarded by subtracting their age at death from 100. If by some miracle there’s a tie here, again the pool will be split.

That’s it. The end. I’ll paypal the first death winner(s) whenever it happens. The rest of the winnings will be awarded when the game is over on 1/1/18.

So, who’s still in? Make your picks below.

PS: And if you’re not interested in Death Pools (or even if you are) and instead (or in addition) would like to play in my really fun fantasy movie league game, sign up here:


69 comments for “Introducing Mav’s Really Depressing Celebrity Dead Pool – 2017!

  1. avatar
    January 9, 2017 at 11:07 am

    My big question is what if you die before the end of the year? Is there a contingency plan to continue the pool and collect the money in the event of your untimely demise?

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:11 am

      hmmm…. part of me wonders if I should work something out to have my password released to someone else… the other part of me wonders if I should NOT so that it’s in your best interest to keep me alive.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:23 am

      Obviously I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Or to anyone else. We only get one life and I wouldn’t want to wish ill or profit from anyone else’s demise.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:24 am

      that feels suspiciously like establishing an alibi.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:26 am

      Chris naw I like your nekkid lady pictures too much.

  2. avatar
    January 9, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    Adding this even though it’s only slightly tangential:

  3. avatar
    January 9, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    Please, no one become a cypherpunk assassin:

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      So, perhaps murdered celebrities shouldn’t count then.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      Both of the “official” leagues people mentioned before automatically dq you if you kill someone on your list. That lets murder by other means be ok.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      I foresee a Dateline episode where a DP league member conjures a complex plot involving hiring someone to kill at least one of their picks.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:23 pm

      Because they really want to win the 50 bucks or whatever is in the pool (right now only $20 because so far only Liz and I have paid… i assume Adam will be soon…. hopefully other people will put in too)

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:26 pm

      Stephanie Siler pretty sure Agatha Christie wrote like three different novels with this plot…

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:27 pm

      Two strangers in two different dead pools meet on a train… the perfect crime!

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:28 pm

      Ethan Schartman, you have a gallows sense of humor… get in on this. And Les Kay, if you can do fantasy football, you can surely do ten bucks betting on the demise of Republican luminaries!

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      Liz Winslow Schartman: I don’t spend money on Fantasy….

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 3:33 pm

      to be fair…. it’s only CALLED fantasy… I mean, they’d really be dead….

  4. avatar
    January 9, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    Hmm, lemme think about this. In case there’s any bonus awarded for guessing cause, I’ll list those too.
    1. Kanye West (seizure)
    2. Harrison Ford (old age)
    3. Kevin Nash (heart attack)
    4. Rihanna (plane crash)
    5. Axl Rose (Falls off stage)
    6. Kim Jong Un (“sickness”)
    7. Alec Baldwin (deranged Trump supporter)
    8. Casey Affleck (alcohol)
    9. Kari Byron (explosion)
    10. Jeff Bridges (undisclosed illness)

  5. avatar
    January 9, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    Michael Douglas
    Lindsay Lohan
    Angelina Jolie
    Tara Reid
    Charlie Sheen
    Robin Thicke
    Britney Spears
    Joaquin Phoenix
    Randy Quaid
    Courtney Love

    Should I die before the end of 2017, winnings to Ethan Schartman.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Oooh…. very diverse picks. I thought you were going to go with RBG?

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:33 am

      I was, but goddam it, that woman will will herself to live for at least the next 4 years. Besides, not many points at her age.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:34 am

      I actually agree. That’s keeping her off my list right now… (I’m still trying to work it out)

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 11:35 am

      A lot of good relatively young people here. If you got just one of them that’s going to be hard to beat.

    • avatar
      January 9, 2017 at 12:00 pm

      Tara Reid is a great choice. Although she did survive massively botched breast implants (inhuman?). At the same time, her, Lindsay and Courtney have been skirting the grim reaper for years. You should have doubled up the Douglas’ given dad is frickin’ 100 – although bonus points if Kirk outlives him? (What are the odds?) Angelina going to go on a bender because of divorce? Brittany I would have gone with a longer time ago – unless we are going with coronary and not drug overdose. Joaquin is already brain dead, so easy enough to tip the scales. I’ll give you Randy, but probably would be a two-for with his wife. We need Charlie to stay alive long enough so that his prayers to God to kill Trump will be answered. I am terrible, but in 2017 I think Tom Hanks should die – never a huge fan, but would be emblematic of the road we are heading down. I think that should count for like 50 bazillion points if it happens.

  6. avatar
    January 10, 2017 at 8:35 am

    Since I haven’t heard from most of the people who said they wanted to play, I’m tagging them: Russ Bloom, Tim Showalter, Lynne Powell Glowacki, Lee Barker, Arik Cohen, Emily A. Rodriguez, Kayla Martin, Elina Rabinovich, Lacy Chenault, Cori Bulger, Michelle Hall Kay, Brian J Teyssier, Tanner Reynolds

  7. avatar
    January 27, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    Ok. I think I have my list finalized. Assuming none of them die before the game starts (and assuming other people sign on and we’re still doing it). I pick:

    1) George H. W. Bush (former president)
    2) Big Van Vader/Leon White (pro wrestler and actor on Boy Meets World)
    3) Valerie Harper (actress)
    4) Betty White (actress)
    5) Alan Alda (actor)
    6) Queen Elizabeth (queen)
    7) Paul McCartney (musician)
    8) Stan Lee (comic writer, cameo actor)
    9) Iggy Pop (musician)
    10) Sean Connery (actor)

  8. avatar
    January 31, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    Barbara Bush;
    Betty White;
    Donald J Trump;
    George HW Bush;
    Jimmy Carter;
    Keith Richards;
    Queen Elizabeth;
    Charlie Munger;
    Ruth Bader Ginsburg;
    Bob Barker

  9. avatar
    January 31, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    I’m kinda surprised nobody filled their list with young stars, going with the theory that if even one of them die, they are assured first place in points.

    • avatar
      January 31, 2017 at 5:25 pm

      Liz Winslow Schartman has a bunch of relatively young people on hers… Britney Spears is and Lindsay Lohan are worth 65 and 70 points respectively. If they die that’s pretty much the game.

    • avatar
      January 31, 2017 at 5:26 pm

      I tried to have a mix of young and old.

    • avatar
      January 31, 2017 at 5:27 pm

      Yeah, Adam’s is pretty good too… Rather than go with big points, I tried to play the tortoise game. Old people, many of whom are already sick. Figure if I can get enough low scoring hits, I’m in good shape.

      Winning the game field goals!!!

  10. avatar
    Mark Hugo
    January 31, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    1. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
    2. Bill Murray
    3. Elvis Costello (Declan Patrick MacManus)
    4. Patrick Stewart
    5. Ian McKellen
    6. Charlie Sheen (Carlos Irwin Estévez)
    7. Ric Flair (Richard Morgan Fliehr)
    8. Meat Loaf (Michael Lee Aday)
    9. Keith Richards
    10. Donald J. Trump

    • avatar
      January 31, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      Meat Loaf is a great pick that I never would have thought of. That could totally happen and he’ll be worth like 30 points.

      But then you went and picked Richards, just like Tim Showalter. I’m telling you guys… he’s immortal.

    • avatar
      January 31, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      Yeah, Meat Loaf blows out his lungs every show he does. That’s bound to catch up to you. And sure, everyone says Keith Richards is immortal, but when anything is said too much, it usually ends up going the other way. I’m betting he’s the Titanic of celebrities.

  11. avatar
    Jacki Temple
    February 1, 2017 at 2:32 am

    If it’s OK, I’d like to enter my list, even though I’m a little past the deadline. If it’s not OK, I understand.

    1. Dylan Roof
    2. Maggie Smith
    3. Clint Eastwood
    4. Beverly Cleary
    5. Gord Downie
    6. Bob Dole
    7. Stephanie Cole
    8. Fats Domino
    9. Shirley MacLaine
    10. Prince Philip

  12. avatar
    February 1, 2017 at 5:19 am

    I’m amused that if anyone selects someone who is famous for being older than 100 they can actually LOSE points if they die. This isn’t really a flaw in your pool, just a corner case I find funny.

  13. avatar
    February 2, 2017 at 4:49 am

    I plead horrible disorganization… here’s my list. Let me know if anyone objects.

    1. Shia Laboeuf
    2. Hulk Hogan
    3. Lamar Odom
    4. Mariah Carey
    5. Macafee
    6. Rupert Murdoc
    7. Herb Adderly
    8. Jane Fonda
    9. Donatella Versace
    10. Paul McCartney

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