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Telemarketer Theater: I’m hacking you…

IMG_1800I’ve been wondering if the Telemarketing Scammers have been on to me. I haven’t gotten as many calls lately. And when I have they’ve been pretty quick to hang up on me. Here’s the one that happened today.

INT. PITTBSBURGH HOME – DAY

STEPH is watching TV and eating breakfast as the phone rings. MAV happens to be walking through the room. Steph answers the phone and hears a CALLER with a young voice and thick Indian accent on the other end o the line. She smiles and waves at Mav beckoning him over to the phone.

STEPH: Hello.

CALLER: Hello, this is Aja. I am calling from the Windows Computer and we are detecting some mysterious activity from your computer on our centralized server and…

STEPH: Oh, wait I think you want to talk to my husband.

CALLER: No ma’am. That is ok, if you will just go to the computer  we can help you to…

STEPH: No, it’s on my husband’s computer. You need to talk to him about it. Hold on he’s right here.

Steph hands the phone over to Mav. The caller is still protesting as they make the exchange

CALLER: … and I’m sure that if you will simply go to the computer we can resolve this without involving him and…

MAV: Hello?

CALLER: Oh, uh… yes sir. Hello there. This is Aja, and I am calling from the Windows Computer. We are detecting some mysterious activity from your computer on our centralized server and…

MAV: Oh, I’m so glad you called. You can help me.

CALLER: Yes sir, we are here to help. Now if you could go to the computer….

MAV: Yeah, I’m there. I’m trying to hack Windows but I am getting some resistance. Can you help me?

CALLER: Sir?

MAV: Yes, I’m currently trying to hack you. Can you give me your password, it would be much easier to gain access if I had a…

CALLER: Fuck you, bitch! [CLICK]

MAV: Hello? Hello?!?

So yeah, maybe they’re training them better. I guess I could have eased into it a little slower. But there’s really no good way to go with the “I’m trying to hack you” angle. I do find it interesting that they really didn’t want to talk to the husband. To me this implies that the phishing manual says something like “if you get a woman on the phone keep her there instead of going to her husband because women are dumb and trusting and easier to hack.” The same logic that shady auto mechanics try to use, perhaps? Steph said that maybe we should get her an ear piece that I can feed her lines through for next time. I almost want to do that and then just go back to some of the earlier telemarketer theater ideas to see if people treat her differently.

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