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Klingons are going to hell… uh….

10-8-07You know, if you want to be a biblical literalist, sure fine… go on. I mean, not for me, but yeah. But this just takes a special kind of crazy. So creationist Ken Ham recently penned a column where he explains that space exploration is useless, not because there is obviously not life on other planets, but because, if there is it doesn’t matter because they’re going to Hell anyway.

Well that’s new.

I mean, I’m used to people using the bible as proof that the Big Bang never happened or there is no evolution or whatever. But generally, those claims pretty much just ignore the possibility of life off this planet altogether.

I mean, look, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m going to Hell. I think we all worked that out a long time ago. I’m good with it… you know laughing with the sinners and crying with the saints and all that…

But really, the part I don’t get is his insinuation that if there is life on other planets it’s pointless to look for them because they’re doomed to Hell. Isn’t like one of the big points of Christianity supposed to be to save the heathens who haven’t found Jesus yet? You’d think that aliens would open up a whole new (literal) world(s) of people to proselytize to. Just writing them off seems very unchristian to me. 

And his logic is kind of dizzying even for biblical literalists. He accepts that there might be other life. He accepts that if there are, they aren’t descendant of Adam. He accepts that Adam and Even unleashed original sin on the whole universe, so even their non-descendants are affected. He accepts that Jesus is the only way to be saved from said sin. But for some reason, only the descendants of Adam (who is responsible for said sin) are eligible for redemption. In other words, Ken Ham’s god is kind of dick.

alien canthouseReally though, I’m kind of amused that this guy is at least thinking about these sorts of things. I mean, sure I write about stuff like this, but I’m an asshole.

Oh well, if nothing else, at least that means that all of Kirk’s hot alien babes will end up in Hell with me, and that ain’t all bad. You know, I totally could have chosen a hot alien babe from Battlestar Galactica, to make this joke, but that just seemed to obvious and not old skool enough. And there’d be all kinds of theological questions that get opened up when you talk about BG and stuff.

And moreover, Ham ACTUALLY DOES MAKE A KLINGON REFERENCE IN HIS RANT. Like, he honestly and truly made a reference to the possibility of a Klingon Jesus.

So green babe it is!

25 comments for “Klingons are going to hell… uh….

  1. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    But he seemed so rational when he debated Bill Nye.

  2. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    maybe that’s what made him consider the possibility.

  3. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Umm, he does realize that thus far space exploration hasn’t really been all that much about alien life, right? Certainly there has been work done regarding that, but at the end of the day that’s a very small part of space exploration.

  4. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    I think when you start the sentence with “he does realize…” you’re already losing.

  5. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    I hate that guy.

  6. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    Kenn: So what you’re saying is that when we see the double double letters we know that that means you DO believe in Klingon Jesus?

  7. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    I’m not saying he exists, but I am saying you don’t want to get on his bad side.

  8. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    I’m not saying i’m GodMartian, but you’ve never seen GodMartian and me in the same room together.. not like i’m hinting at anything.

  9. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    ..the first line of Ken Hamm’s blog post is this: “I’m shocked at the countless hundreds of millions of dollars that have been spent over the years in the desperate and fruitless search for extraterrestrial life.” .. anyone else just want to replace “fruitless search for extraterrestrial life” with “futility of lining the pockets of religious zealots instead of giving to the poor and helping the global good”

  10. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    ..and it’s not hundreds of millions of dollars going to religious zealots but billions, religion is a multibillion dollar industry

  11. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    There are no good descriptions of how Jesus looked in the Bible. How do we know he WASN’T Klingon?

  12. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Sam: If you show up at one of Ham’s lectures and pose that question I will give you FIVE DOLLARS cash money!!!

  13. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Ha. Not even close to worth it. I’d probably lose a hundred thousand dollars in lifetime earning potential due to how much dumber listening to him would make me.

  14. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    Come on! See, I know its hard to think about $5 in the abstract…. but I’m offering you real money here! Think about it! You have children to put through college!!!

  15. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    What if those children ask me where I’ve been? How do I explain how dumb this guy’s ideas are to my children?? They’re young and impressionable!

  16. avatar
    July 21, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    You tell them you’re their father and you love them. And sometimes parents have to do disgraceful things for the benefit of their children…

    Of course they’ll hate you for a while and wonder why you couldn’t have been something respectable like a prostitute or drug dealer instead of bringing that nonsense into their lives. But hey, a few years of therapy and they’ll get through it. And in the end… FIVE DOLLARS!

  17. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Ha ha! Ha ha ha! now I have to go lie down.

  18. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Anne: I always love knowing that the pathos of my writing makes people emotionally spent.

  19. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    That’s pretty much what I aim for, too!

  20. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    I read a great article that made a very convincing argument that the Bible does mention more then one god. In fact families of gods, who preside over many different areas and peoples. So for a bible literalist, the argument could be made there is a Klingon Jesus.

  21. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    MacGowan: Oooh! I need this article! Find it and forward it to me…

  22. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    let me find it

  23. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Reach out, explore space!

    Your own

    Klingon

    Jesus

    Someone to be your boq
    someone to cha’ DIch

  24. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Don Orkoskey!

  25. avatar
    July 22, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    thank you everyone. thank you.

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