The media is trying to cover up my destroying of the sun. Trying to pretend like it never happened and that was just some run of the mill total solar eclipse. It could have happened whenever. BAH! We all know the truth. In reality I was completely successful. None of your so-called heroes were able to stop me.
So why aren’t we cast in darkness currently? There is one and only one simple reason. It was my birthday, and I was feeling nice. After the world was cast into darkness for a few moments, I felt as though the world had seem plenty of proof of my nigh-infinite power. And frankly, it will be easier to rule over you whelps with occasional daylight. So I reversed the polarity of the death ray and used it to reignite your precious star.
How can you, my loyal subjects show your undying loyalty? That’s actually pretty simple. For I am nothing if not a loving and benevolent dictator. I will require a simple yearly tax of 1.5% of the GNP from each of your nations. I will also require that you send me all of your finest women to join my royal harem. Each shall be adorned in lingerie or catholic school girl outfits and each will have the sheer unadulterated joy of servicing my royal person at my desire and fulfilling my every sexual need. I would also like a pony.
Women can submit their photos below.
If you have a pony to donate, let me know and we can make arrangements.
That is all.