You know, I used to actually be good at this stuff. I really was. I was so good I even got into a pretty exclusive art school.
Of course, they ruined me.
I swear, I’m not fishing for compliments. This is not an attempt to make people come out of the woodwork saying "you are good." And its not an attempt to belittle anyone who thinks they don’t draw as well as me.
It’s just that I’m not happy with where my pencilling skills are right now. To be fair, I’m not the same person I was. The person I used to be drew every day for 11 years or so. The person I am today misses that and has been trying to recapture it for 3 days.
I guess I can’t expect magic over night.
I just don’t know if I can expect magic at all. The thing is, it just doesn’t work how it used to. The thing that makes me a good(i think) photographer is that I see the composition I want in my mind long before I ever actually snap the shot. I’ve always said, I’m not really a photographer. I’m an artist. I just draw with a camera now.
Drawing used to be the same way. I used to just see what I wanted in my mind and then it was a simple matter of tracing that image on the page. I still want to be able to do that, but the motor skill just aren’t there anymore.
I wonder if I’m doomed. I wonder if its just my lack of drive. I used to love drawing. If I was sitting in a class, listening to a lecture, and not paying attention, I’d look down at my notebook and find out that I had absentmindedly doodled the person sitting in front of me. That doesn’t happen anymore. Now I am pushing myself. And I’m not doing it out of love, I’m doing it out of regret. Trying to recapture I once had for the simple reason that I want to draw my own comic. There’s not even a good reason for that. I’m quite happy with the job Max is doing on Hellcats. And really, I have no real desire to take his reigns and do the daily art chores. But if we’re going to do this series of solo stories, I want to draw one of them.
Mostly just so I can say I did, I guess.
*sigh* I may never get there.