So, I had a great idea for a self-portrait today. I had everything set up in my studio to do a great shot of me having a an orgy with seven hot lesbians covered in choclate syrup. It was going to be very tasteful of course, but still undeniably erotic. We were going to be laying on a bed of exotic flowers and a litter of the cutest kittens ever were going to be rolling around with us and licking off the chocolate syrup under an artificially constructed waterfall, superimposed onto a mountain backdrop. The whole thing was going to be shot with 312,000 watts of studio lights hot lights because everyone knows how much I hate strobes. Luckily, the four Hollywood caliber wind machines I rented would have kept us relatively cool. Just for the occasion, I had borrowed a Canon 1200mm/5.6L USM lens with a 2x EF Extender fit with a custom +10 macro filter. I had my camera set up in an office building two counties over from here and aimed straight at the studio window. I was gonna shoot at ƒ32 on on a 120 second exposure to get a really dreamy look, and I was going to shoot the whole thing through the viewfinder of a vintage 19th century studio camera for a neat TTV effect, but I was also going to take eight additional exposures , moving 2 stops in and halving the shutter speed after each one and then combining all nine exposures into an HDR, which I would have to process on a 8 core Mac Pro tower with 64 gigs of ram. It was going to be vainglorious! It was going to be the most exploriffic shot in all of flickr history. I had been excited about it all day. I was going to call it The Aristocrats!
But I had totally forgotten that the season premiere of Galactica is coming on tonight, and that’s easily the most important thing that has happened so far this year. So I cancelled the whole shoot.
I’d reschedule the whole thing for next week, but unfortunately, I had to give the lens back and the lesbians are on a flight back to Sweden already. Sorry about that.
I’ll gladly do it in the future at some point if someone wants to lend me some horny lesbians, a bunch of kittens and another $100,000 lens.