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Day 541 of 365 More.

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Plaxico Burress. Plax was gifted with much height and large hands and all the physical tools that one might look at him and expect that he’d be a top notch NFL receiver. Unfortunately, he had an IQ of slightly less than the average bowl of porridge. Hoping that maybe his physical gifts would overcome his well below average intelligence, the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers drafted him to their team. They were wrong.

Steph took a liking to him, presumedly because he had a nice ass or something, because it certainly didn’t have anything to do with his personality, intelligence or actual ability to play football. She always claimed he was destined for greatness. She was wrong too.

After several seasons, they let his contract run out and replaced him with several warm bowls of oatmeal. The oatmeal energized the team, and less than a year after they released Plax, they went on to win the Superbowl. Plax went to New York.

Today, after 7 years of mediocrity, Plax finally reached his potential. He caught the game winning pass in the Superbowl, thus defeating the hated New England Patriots and denying those rotten scoundrels their ill-gotten place in football history as a team who cheated their way to a perfect season.

My friend Max and I once theorized that there were but 5 great stories that one could tell. One of those stories is "Hapless Wonder Saves the Day."

So really, its no surprise. Plax, enjoy your moment. You were made for this day.

365 days

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13 comments for “2-3-08

  1. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:20 am

    Talk about a happy ending! The Patriot’s season will just be a footnote… Love that.

  2. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:27 am

    Plus he just has a fucking retarded name.


  3. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:39 am

    you said it better than anyone I know…..
    i giggled when the Steelers won the Super Bowl w/o Plax…
    I giggle even more when the Giants beat the Patriots w/o Tiki
    oh yeah and the moral of the story is cocky bastards always get it in the end…. DONT be a cocky bastard

    Seen on your photo stream. (?)

  4. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:42 am

    Eloquently put, but I think the hapless wonder who saved this day might be Tyree, whose name I might have heard mentioned once before ever. But maybe not. How the hell did he catch that ball with his helmet?

    Eli’s always had a hapless look about him too, now that I think about it. And he certainly did some day-saving as well.

    Anyway…yay Giants!

  5. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:45 am

    But truly, that was the easy catch. The catch that kept that drive going in the first place was the great one. You know, the catch on top of the helmet of whatshisname after Manning somehow managed to break away from a sure sack.

    I stood up in my living room and yelled at the TV: OMG, you have got to be kidding me!!! How did he hold onto that ball?!?

    I wound up rooting for the underdogs long before that play. I figured I would before the game started. A 10-6 wild-card team in the Super Bowl?! It’s gotta happen!!

  6. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:45 am

    Dammit, max1975 got in before me.

    Whatshisname = Tyree

  7. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 12:53 am

    This is the first and only Super Bowl I’ve ever been wrong about.

  8. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 6:41 am

    I think the entire giants season could be summed up as a hapless wonder. Major underdogs in every playoff game, then season spoilers for those Patriots with their GQ quaterback…..

  9. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 6:52 am

    … and I enjoyed every freaking second of it!!! Especially the end when Coach Billy left the field before the end of the game thus avoiding the good sport handshake, because of course he’s NOT a good sport! THERE’S your perfect finish!

    Seen in my contacts’ photos. (?)

  10. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 7:56 am

    I got home in time to see the 4th. My first thought was – THATS the score? But… the Giants are WINNING.

    And then when Tyree caught that pass. Holy crap.

    That was some football. And agreed about the coach thing. Don’t be an asshole. Shake the man’s hand

  11. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Seeing Plex break down, full of emotion, after the win last night reconfirmed my original thoughts that this guy deserves the best…too bad the Rooneys and The Chin had no desire to wait for him to mature, as a player and as a person

    Seen in my contacts’ photos. (?)

  12. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 11:23 am

    That was one of the few Superbowls that I actually sat through and watched every single play. I was so excited for the Giants, not so much because I like the Giants but because I hate the Pats. I had little faith that they could pull it off but they did and I was happy. I enjoyed your story and did note once during the night that I remember when Plaxico played for the Steelers, so then of course I thought of you for a moment. 😉 Hi Mav.

  13. avatar
    February 4, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    @DeHoll: yep. It worked out well.

    @jessi.: hehehe… Steph says she likes his name!

    @espressoDOM: I don’t mind Tiki. The problem with your theory though, is that Plax, the cocky bastard, still pulled it out… eventually.

    @max1975: yeah, as a team they really fulfill the hapless wonder role. Kind of a bad news bears story.

    @phlewght: yeah, the Tyree catch was amazing, alone and then even more so when you realize that Eli should have been sacked by eight different gys on that play.

    @Jack Scoresby: yeah, I was wrong about it too. But I’m kinda happy about that.

    @Visual Distress: yep. Every thing is as it should be in the world.

    @lrayholly: well, to be fair, he did try to go shake hands with 1 second left in the game. Maybe he was just trying to beat traffic. Nah, Billy’s an asshole. But you knew that from his Cleveland days.

    @spresogna: yep. Better than Sweeny Todd anyday! 😛

    @nonac.: Nah… I mean good for him with having his moment and all, but I don’t think we really miss him.

    @PhotoKat: yep. Everybody hates the Pats. It should have been a national holiday. Hi Bonnie!

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