The kids have been wearing these crazy shoes lately with roller skates built in. There have even been a few news stories about them (don’t let your kids wear Heelys, they’ll bust their skulls). I’ve seen 8-year-olds zipping around the mall on them from time to time in the last couple of months, but its becoming more frequent now. I mentioned to Steph the other day that it’d be cool if they had them for grownups.
So last night, Steph and I were watching a DVD in bed. The movie was Employee of The Month, one of maybe 100 DVDs I bought randomly at some point or another on the theory that Steph and I might be bored some night and want to watch something silly we’ve never seen before in bed. When Steph asked me why I would waste money on such of a ridiculous looking movie, that was only in the theaters for like two days, on DVD, the only thing I could come up with is that I am a fan of both stars, of the film. Dane Cook, and Jessica Simpson’s tits. Granted, it’s Cook’s comedy that I am a fan of, and since he didn’t write this movie, it wasn’t really going to be him. But, I figured the boobs would certainly still be there in all of their luscious glory, and hey, maybe just a little of Cook’s comedy would squeak out and make the film watchable.
However, its actually a surprising funny (if formulaic) romantic comedy. Dane Cook plays a character I can identify with, a burnt out dot.commer, down on his luck, and looking for love and his place in the world. He takes a job at a Wal-mart clone where he has as little responsibility as possible and rolls around the store on adult-sized Heelys. So apparently they do make them. The real surprise, however, was the acting ability of the handler of his co-star, Jessica Simpson’s boobs. I expected the boobs to be fantastic, but I was amazed at the highly competent and distinctly not totally sucky acting job done by the person attached to those boobs. While she won’t be getting a call come Oscar time any decade soon, she did a much better job than she did in her acting debut, the remake of Dukes of Hazzard.
Talk about sucky movies that I buy for no good reason at all. I don’t know why I picked up Dukes of Hazzard. I guess because like every American boy born in the mid-70s, Catherine Bach was the reason I was pulled through puberty at age 5. But anyway, knowing full well that I would hate the Dukes of Hazzard movie, I still felt that I had no choice but to buy it. And as expected it was awful.
But that didn’t stop me from going out today and buying the prequel when I was shopping today. For some reason I just couldn’t stop myself. It’s not just my problem with buying DVDs. It certainly isn’t a love of Jessica’s boobs, since she’s not in it (most of the cast has been replaced, the new Daisy is a model/actress/dealornodealsuitcaseholder). The thing is, I have this love of movies, I even have a love of bad movies, and I have this neurotic problem where once I have part of a series, I just have to have the whole thing. So even though the third Godfather is awful, I own it because it completes the set. The same with the Matrix movies, and Scream and apparently Dukes of Hazzard.
But I suppose I wouldn’t have bothered to buy it if I didn’t have to go to the store to buy a birthday present for my friend’s kid who turns two this weekend. Shopping for a two year old is difficult, since its really hard to know what he’d be into. But I did find a couple things after wandering around the store for a while and at the cost of picking up the Dukes movie and a couple others, and yet still no Scarface, which they didn’t have. But if I didn’t have to buy a birthday present for Ted, then I never would have gone out today and picked up these movies.
Of course I also never would have stopped by the shoe store in the same complex and bought my own pair of Heelys.
Sure, I could have just said that, but isn’t it much more amusing to have me spin a little yarn like that and give you a glimpse into my fucked up brain?
Yeah, I thought so.